i show up to an event entitled rejected which is sponsored by various cryptocurrency companies. i walk into a hangar-like room where people are talking about moving numbers that represent financial value from one database to another and sit with regy, bunny, nat, and maya. we talk to binji a little bit when he gets off stage. kayla, gab, and purrcat pull up and we listen to rushi talk about stuff. he says a bunch of correct things about marketing and promotion. i meet paige, alice, and miranda. we start eating all the free food and drinking all the free alcohol and then we go inside a plane which has taxidermy animals such as polar bears in it. we meet up with abi and mayra on the way. kayla, gab, abi, james and i hop into a car and zoom off to a uniswap event called uninight where there are a bunch of people as well as some albino animals including two peacocks. i talk to masha and albi comes and i meet ldf in real life for the first time and see raffi and brenner and gab introduces me to porter. i drink tea with kayla and gab and keeks and jarrell joins us. bunny introduces me to brian. i meet mila. i link up with camille. i go to a speakeasy with ldf, gab, kayla, johnny, and kaitlyn. i talk to alice and ossie. jarrell and his friends pull up. we leave the speakeasy and bunny and i drop gab off at her villa and then go to tarun's hotel and order food and drinks. tarun plays quirky techno music and we begin a standard low-intensity queen-out session by discussing the possible impending release of gauntlet points, various grifts and value extractions, and other things of that sort. bunny and tarun say the valuations of a few cryptocurrency companies and then tarun tells bunny and me to leave because it's five in the morning so we leave.

i go to the park to get on a bus for an event sponsored by ondora.xyz. while waiting for the bus, i talk to gab, keeks, juanna, stella, kayla, purrcat, ann, and regy. i also meet louie. we see moo deng and then i explore the rest of the zoo with regy and keeks. i take a nap and then get dinner with bunny, kayla, maya, tanya, gab, and [other girl]. bunny, kayla, maya, tanya, gab, and i go to a rooftop bar for a while before going home.

i meet kayla at blue coffee in a mall in bangkok and get her to try the delicious soft latte. we go to lumphini park and examine the large water monitors that wander around the bodies of water in the park. i meet gab at a gab-coded wine bar for some gab-coded foods and a gab-coded wine. we meet up with kayla and drink the hennessy in her minibar and then bunny joins us. bunny, gab, and i go to get food.

bunny and i go to the airport, where we run into pablo. we take the plane to bangkok and meet up with stella, kayla, and purrcat for a drink.

bunny and i get coffee, go to the tailor, and then eat a delicious meal. we go to the airbnb and watch death note with dan and quintus. we have an aapi night by ordering bubble tea to consume while we watch anime.

bunny and i go to blue coffee and then stop by megazu and talk to shu yao. we go to a restaurant with marine, hemanth, and raihan. marine leaves and the rest of us go to a bar. bunny and i go to our airbnb to find brenner, dan, and quintus on the couch. we watch anime.

bunny and i are forced to vacate the megazu grifter hotel and move into a palatial airbnb that brenner invites us to stay in. we walk around a bit looking for food and see raffi in the street. we get mexican food and then meet brenner at the tailor. i get some really normal pants and bunny gets a quirky nonbinary garment made. we go to a restaurant and meet up with albi, raihan, gab, keeks, dan, quintus, and some others. some of us hit the night market nearby and are joined by sam. we go to mcdonald's where raihan samples all available pie flavors.

i hang out with bunny, sophia, and gab at the hotel and then gab and i take a car to a farm where there is a grifter ceremony and dinner. there, i talk to raffi, keeks, raihan, dan, dc, albi, and meet albi's sister q. keeks, raihan, gab, and i hit a couple bars.

i walk past namik and then hang out with bunny. later, i meet up with bunny, keeks, and marine at a speakeasy. we all meet up with pablo, gab, hemanth, and some others and go to an indian restaurant, where we see albi. bunny, keeks, gab, hemanth, and i go to a rooftop bar where jacob joins us.

i go to a smoothie place to meet with bunny, keeks, gab, and sophia. we meet up with jacob and eat. i walk past namik and then go to bed.

i wake up late as hell and get coffee with bunny. later, bunny introduces me to pablo and then we go to a rooftop bar to meet up with raffi and lily. gab pulls up followed by sam. bunny and i go back to the hotel and visit the official megazu grifting room, where we talk to namik and shu yao before i retire for the night.

bunny and i fly from denpasar to chiang mai to join grifters from across the globe at megazu, a megaeth-sponsored grifter colony that is part of a larger network of grifter popups across chiang mai. we arrive at the megazu hotel and talk to jacob. i meet and hang out with albi and then talk to sophia. bunny shills quasimatt.com to nicole and sun. we go to bed.

i hang out with bunny in uluwatu.

bunny and i check into a gorgeous villa in uluwatu. we go for a swim, grift for a while, and then meet up with andy, dino, and a girl from san francisco. we get to a club that has an insane cover charge and is only open for thirty more minutes so we don't go in and we go to a slightly more esoteric bar that only has one beer and it's an ipa. we talk for a while and then dance for a while and then i call a car back to the villa to sleep.

i hang out with bunny in an esoteric region of bali.

i hang out with bunny in ubud.

i hang out with bunny in ubud. we go to the rice fields and a big temple.

i hang out with bunny in ubud. i get bali belly.

i hang out with bunny in ubud. we meet up with andy.

i hang out with bunny in ubud.

i hang out with bunny in canggu.

i hang out with bunny in ubud.

i hang out with bunny in canggu.

bunny and i explore seemingly all of canggu, which we soon realize is the grifter hub of bali, ducking into grifter cafes, grifter coworking spaces, grifter gyms, grifter restaurants, grifter shops, and associating with and observing various grifters. we see a sign about some sort of longevity establishment and get a tour of a gym and a grifter complex where grifters get cryogenically frozen and get iv drips and stuff like that. as we're leaving, we hear a voice say "bunny" and turn around to find will and his girlfriend. we talk to him about grifter topics such as crypto for a while and then continue on our way, going to more grifter establishments filled with laptop grifters who are in bali seemingly to looksmaxx and healthmaxx while they grift since you can go to the bougiest gym of all time and get crazy cosmetic treatments here for dirt cheap compared to their home countries (usually australia, russia, or the u.s.). we meet amber at a restaurant and talk about grifter topics such as canggu and some crypto-related stuff. we go to a mexican restaurant for guacamole and non-alcoholic beverages. will joins us and then bunny and i go home to our grifter villa.

bunny and i relocate to a villa in canggu. i get addicted to watermelon juice. bunny stays awake for unreasonable periods of time. everything is really gorgeous.

bunny meets me in a hotel lobby in bali and we start hanging out and doing stuff. we continue to hang out and do stuff all day.

i go to the opening of kevin's collection entitled i'm with you at his apartment. i arrive and say hi to pam and kevin, who is installing lights and artwork on the walls. i take a look at the art. it's easily my favorite art that kevin has made. it's about his brother but the imagery is vague and nostalgic. it feels like i'm being prompted with a vibe or idea and asked to finish the work off. it makes me think about youth and brotherhood and family and leisure and friendship. i talk to emily, adam, and paul. kevin's mom comes around and introduces herself, offering us some oreos. she talks about the art's impact on her and its aesthetic qualities and tells us that their family refers to kevin's career/behavior/vibe as kevinology. haiver arrives and emily introduces me to kevin, who kevin later tells me invented the nft or minted the first nft or something like that. i talk to john and jeremy, who tells me about some extremely esoteric film he's doing a project with that requires him to travel to lots of national parks and snap pics. i tell kevin i have to blast because i'm flying to bali the next day and he asks if i'm seeing moo deng. i tell his that i do have plans to see moo deng. in fact, my only plan for my asia trip is to see moo deng. i don't know where i'm staying or when i'm leaving bali. i have a plane ticket to bali and a confirmed rsvp to a moo deng meet and greet. i go to mala project and have a meal with kayla, gab, keeks, masha, sophia, and amelia. i meet dull and bienstock near the roxy cinema. we walk to the roxy and sit with charley, annabel, justin lapuff, and sierra at a table outside. we're all here to see www.rachelormont.com, a film by peter vack. darias pulls up and then peter himself arrives for a moment. ariel and salty pull up. we go inside and i talk to jack for a bit and then kyle and billy. it's hot as hell and the film starts really late but it's good and interesting and about the internet and celebrity and micro-celebrity and clout and attention and memes and advertising and being a character and being a person and edgelording and it features charley and bienstock and ivy and dasha and betsey and peter's parents and it's about memes and it's so much more edgelord-online-dimes-square-downtown-scene-core than i thought it would be. the core idea and plot is good enough to stand on its own without necessarily referencing a bunch of specific things like milady and treblinka and dasha but it just references milady and treblinka and dasha anyway. it depicts social media profiles as theatrical performances where the followers are in the audience and the poster is on the stage. it depicts someone who is a radical consumer of the internet becoming a poster, being taken advantage of, being trolled, meeting her idols, and falling apart, finding comfort in the same gross consumptive cycle that caused her problems. it's extremely dark. it makes me uncomfortable. the film ends and there is a question and answer session where there are some normal questions and some "i need you to know that i'm aware of your work" questions and then a question about the sex scene in the film and whether peter has any concern about how it will influence the potential for wide distribution of the film. peter has been occasionally lightly bullying the question askers throughout the q&a session but he really bullies the person who asks this question and seems to take the question as a critique. its unclear to me whether peter is trying to communicate that the art is made without concern for distribution or whether he just doesn't really think the sex scene will impact distribution or he's never thought about it or he doesn't give a fuck. all i can really tell is that he's mad. or maybe he's not even mad. maybe he's trolling. maybe he's controversymaxxing. maybe he's doing something that people will write about. you can never be sure what's going on around here. the session ends and i go to the deli with charley, salty, and dull. i come back to the roxy for a little bit and talk to some other people and then leave.

i visit my apartment to grab some stuff and talk to weyland about startups and some other stuff while i'm there.

i meet weyland in washington square park to give him my keys since he's subleasing my extremely luxe lower east side chinatown border studio apartment while i leave. i hand the keys off and then meet kayla at an event to promote season two of house of villains, a reality tv show. kayla networks and makes content and i spot olivia which is lowkey random asf. we chat for a while and then the cast speaks. many italian americans are present at the event. we mill around and then i take a picture with tiffany "new york" pollard, the inventor of culture and controversy. kayla and i get our free hats on the way out and sit in the park for a while before taking the train home.

kathy invites me to create a chica zone near my apartment but she comes over to turn my apartment into a chica zone instead. we hang out all day and then go to a desci event about ketamine. we talk to mikey, bryan, and cassidy. i talk to yev who tells me she co-founded the auditing firm hacken. i talk to max a little bit and then sort of interact with dan and neoliberalhell, people who i am aware of due to their niche downtown celebrity but have never really met in like an official or real way. i meet some people and talk to kat. mikey starts introducing the event and kat turns to me and says "this seems more interesting than other grifts." kathy reads about her experience with ketamine and gets some laughs. i record her reading and then a guy talks about some philosophical stuff related to ketamine. isaac gives his talk, focusing on depersonalization and derealization. much of the talk is dedicated to understanding and formalizing dissociation and the conditions of the brain that cause or enable it. it's really giving science. i zone out a little bit and isaac talks about experiments on mice. isaac mentions that we know ketamine causes dissociation but that the billion dollar question is "why does ketamine have anti-depressive effects?" kathy says "being the self is insufferable. duh." she bites a klonopin in half and puts her headphones in and rocks out while isaac finishes his talk. the talk is dedicated to reaching a scientific conclusion about something that is best understood through experience. nothing about the conclusions or talk is all that revealing compared to just doing ketamine recreationally and catching a vibe. people seem to really like the event, but to kathy and me it feels trivial. i meet camille. i talk to emma and afua. i take the train home and meet scott, who is going to sovereign house with some of my friends.

kayla and i pull up to jarrell's party/event in east williamsburg. we talk to jarrell, mikey, regy, mihir, tina, iain, keiran, keeks, and maya. kayla and i speak on a panel and then walk to the subway with mihir to go home.

jasper comes over and we try to make some music. it takes us a long time to get the equipment set up and we wander around in the rain trying to find various things that we need. we see blake and david in the street. i go to all blues to meet salty, abi, and abi’s friend jen. cass pulls up. we go to an art event in soho that clay put together. it’s lowkey interesting and there is some good ai art. i meet david, and talk to adam, isabella, levi, and null. i go to stanley’s for cam’s birthday with abi, salty, and cass where i see cam, lindita, faith, maddie, jonah, brennan, noah, salomon, cass, sydney, kailey, moe, sam, and some other people before going home.

i hop in an uber with kayla and we blast off to greenpoint. we struggle to get to tina's apartment for her housewarming party but we eventually make it and jim lets us in. i talk to david, sabina, regy, mihir, tina, gab, masha, maya, brenner, john, sowa, amal, keeks, jacob, keiran, and joakim before heading home.

i go to mikey's apartment in the upper east side to cowork. mikey lets me in and i meet bryan. we discuss the adoption of their betting protocol which is also somehow related to science. i get lunch. bryan pushes like 18 updates to their product. a guy comes to do a job interview with mikey and bryan. matthew pulls up to do some work for desci. i leave and go home.

i go to midtown and meet michael, sarah, henry, and kyle. we go to moulin rouge on broadway and then go to dunkin. i go home.

i chill in bryant park for a while and then get lunch with mikey at parker and quinn. we discuss svn haus and desci and culture and technology and stuff like that. i go to madeline's in greenpoint for the first edition of back of the house, a dinner series by abi and elan. we sit at a table outside and i talk to abi and meet elan. people start to arrive, and i talk to kat and parker about music and cody and brandon about crypto and tech stuff. i meet brandon. we also discuss niche diets. i relocate and play a game with ann, cam, and alex. ann works in real estate so i ask her things about real estate. she tells me not to be a real estate agent but then seems fine with the idea after i explain myself. i talk to abi and ann and then walk to kathy's apartment. she meets me in the street and we go to minnows and then go to kathy's where she gives me a baseball card. we discuss our siblings and kathy's friend from kentucky and how we think it's unattractive for a romantic or sexual partner to want to hang out with our friends. kathy starts yawning so i ask her if i'm supposed to leave and she says she's not trying to send a signal and then a while later she says she's going to bed so i lyft home.

weyland comes to see my apartment so he can decide if he wants to sublease it while i travel. he seems to like it immediately despite the rug with $100 bills on it that almost completely covers the floor. i walk down my street and lindita yells my name in the distance. she's getting into her car, but takes the time to introduce me to her sister sheriban, moe, and taylor. i walk to the train station and try to get on the same train as kayla. we mess it up a bunch of times and switch cars trying to find each other. we find each other uptown and then go to the latino film festival in quisqueya plaza in inwood because kayla is influencing there. we get some free merch and walk around. we get wings and nachos at tryon public house before watching some of a new show that's derived from the batman franchise at the latino film festival. we hop on the train and go home.

i am mentioned in kathypill.

i meet alex at dun-well doughnuts and we go for a walk and talk about various topics related to our lives. i hop on the train and go to gab's, and kayla arrives shortly after. we make lots of quasimatt merch and gab makes burgers which we eat before going to the plant shop for a housewarming gift for maya. we go to maya's housewarming, which is in a gorgeous renovated church loft building. we give maya her gifts: a plant and a quasimatt shirt. i talk to mihir and meet gabriel, who's making divine cocktails. i go to the roof and meet yessy. keeks joins us. downstairs, i analyze maya's book collection with emma before she does a sound bath. the sound bath is followed by a violin performance by alex in which he plays a song for the heavens and a song for the world. maya delivers a closing speech. mihir, kayla, gab, and i go to a party in williamsburg that regy told us about. regy lets us in and introduces us to the hosts, kaitlyn and gene. kat shows up and i meet sid and terri on the roof. we vibe out for a bit and then everyone leaves for union pool. kat, gab, kayla, and i go to wei's, and mihir joins us shortly after. we finish our meal and go home.

i go to kayla's apartment and link with sophia in the lobby. kayla comes and gets us and we blast off to the roof of her building to enjoy a gorgeous view of one manhattan square and other buildings. kat shows up and gab shows up. we discuss crypto and grifting. kat makes a time lapse video and networks with sophia and then leaves, and kayla, gab, sophia, and i eat a delicious and scrumptious dinner. gab, kayla and i go to rocka rolla where we see cass, kathy, cold, day, and holly. i talk to cold about real estate tech. mark and keegan come right as we're leaving. we go to a party that david and emily are hosting at emily's apartment. i talk to bita, reka, and raffi, and meet david and raffi's friend betsy for the first time. i leave with gab and kayla and we go to ask for janice in greenpoint where we meet kayla's friend rocky and two of his friends who are visiting from canada. we have a drink and some pizza and then i go home.

i walk to 120 east broadway because oklou is having a secret show that kyle tells me about because he's on the list. i say hi to kyle and michael who are waiting outside. i’m not on the list but oklou’s 2020 album galore has been my favorite album since its release, so i go to the front of the line and ask people if they have a +1 because the list spots were distributed with +1s for everyone. i meet alex, who agrees to +1 me into the event. he’s from australia and moved to new york a month ago because his partner is going to school at columbia. we talk about new york and australia. we ascend the stairs to the sixth floor of the loft building and enter a room with a keyboard and some other equipment set up. we sit on some cushions. kyle and michael join us. oklou plays a few songs, some old and some new. all of them are gorgeous and beautiful and amazing. one of them has a bladee feature. she acts like the feature is a secret, holding up a printed picture of a silhouette with a question mark over it as a voice that obviously belongs to bladee plays through the speaker. the show ends and michael, kyle, alex, and i go to time again. it’s full and the security people are corralling and harassing everyone, so we go to reception instead. alex leaves and i enjoy a drink with kyle and michael. we all go to north dumpling for dumplings. i buy mountain dews, slim jims, and a buzzball from the deli and call a lyft to greenpoint for ashley’s birthday party. ashley, annie, blake, david, ryan, and zoe are there. i give ashley 2 slim jims, 2 mountain dews, and a buzzball. annie incessantly burps and and makes jokes where she replaces the words "not your" with "nacho" for a few hours. max and nigel arrive. some of us go to troost, where annie reaches behind the bar to try to slap a chunk of ice into a cup, and we go to bar americano. i lyft home.

i peel myself off my couch and take a lyft to the grifter complex known as station 3 for a desci event that i'm hosting. the event is billed as a conversation with josie zayner about diy dna hacking. a guy scans my ticket and i walk through a labyrinth of offices and make it to the hadron office, which is packed with people who seem like they have jobs. i wade through the crowd and find keegan. i ask him if we have a squad here, referring to the group of people who probably have the least business being at the event and yet are listed on the flyer as hosts and djs due to their engagement with niche clout culture. i find matthew picking up some trash and otherwise being useful and ask him if he wants help with anything. he says no and points me toward the bar. the room is loud so i wander out into the hallway and find cassidy, keegan, menyelek, and ruby having a chat. ruby tells me she went to burning man. keegan and menyelek leave to go to trivia. cassidy and i talk about how we think mikey is cool and interesting and i share my theory that he's a fed, but mikey shows up so we have to change the topic. i say hi to mikey. i meet a guy named max who immediately asks me if i'm "actually gay" after briefly acknowledging his familiarity with quasimatt.com. mackenzie pulls up and i chat with her for a second before dull comes. he says he needs food and water and leaves almost immediately. max walks by. charley shows up for a moment and then i go inside the event space in anticipation of the beginning of the talk. i say hit to gabriel and run into kitty, who is supposed to ask some questions at the end. mikey gets everyone's attention and starts saying stuff about desci. josie tries to accelerate his introduction, starting applause early and groaning when he flips to new slides. eventually josie introduces herself and talks about some struggles related to being an outcast within the context of the scientific establishment. there are some technical difficulties, and the presentation begins. josie immediately gives the impression that she thinks of biology as an art and as a field that should invite a wide array of experimentation. she insinuates that some of the things we accomplish with other forms of tech could be more interestingly or straightforwardly accomplished through biotechnological innovation, mentioning that psychedelics are cooler than virtual reality, and that she wants to focus on making pokemon instead of making anti-body drugs. she pokes fun at medical research, saying she doesn't want to give mice cancer and then cure it, but is more interested in doing "crazy shit." my first impression of josie is that she is combative: combative about wanting to take over the microphone, combative about the tech issues related to her presentation, and combative about the academic environment that stifles certain kinds of research. there is a heavy thread of anti-institutionalism throughout the talk. the background music swells into something hopeful-sounding as josie shifts her focus to gene editing for embryos. her words no longer have an enemy, and she fixates on the possibility of gene editing to change the way we live and the importance of making biological experimentation accessible to everyone. right when i think we're getting into the core of the talk, josie says "biotech can't have a future without you" and announces the end of the presentation, inviting the audience to ask questions. as mikey and kitty sit in chairs next to josie, matthew asks me if i want to come sit with them to ask questions. i say "not really" and he returns to the stage. kitty asks what advice josie has for young researchers. josie says not to let people tell you things are impossible. kitty asks for josie's thoughts on the endpoint or goal of biotech research: should researchers be focused on achieving certain quantitative results, or on more qualitative factors like how people feel? josie shares an anecdote in which she made a drug for one person and it alleviated their symptoms. the federal drug administration would not allow the dose for this person to be increased without 6 months of data. she implies that institutions are overly cautious with research and that what matters in this case is how the person feels, not creating a pool of data to justify the drug. various audience members ask questions next. when answering these questions, josie advises a student that a curious person likely cannot reach their goals within the confines of the academic system. she does accelerationism when someone asks about ethics, basically stating that people will continue to do scientific and technological experimentation and innovation no matter what, and emphasizes that when we leave experimentation up to governments and huge companies, it gets gatekept and sold rather than shared. josie wants a future in which the results of this experimentation are more widely available. mikey asks a question about collaboration, and josie says that science should be more goal oriented and that the practice of coming up with a hypothesis and then testing it isn't ideal in many situations. scientists should have goals for what they want to make and then try to make it. an audience member asks josie about "crispr-ing" herself. josie answers by saying she's a scientist and an activist and considers much of what she does performance art. her goal in "crispr-ing" herself was to prove that someone could do it, and it was more about that than the actual biological result of the "crispr-ing." after a few more questions, josie reveals that various governmental bodies have come after her and scared her for her research. i wonder what research got her in trouble, and then wonder what her research entails more broadly given that the talk and the q&a session were mostly aspirational and sentimental. i realize i'm not exactly sure what josie's main research is or what it accomplishes. there is talk of making a dragon and making a six-legged mammal. there are fanciful things that could be done, and i wonder what has been done. when the talk concludes, i feel pilled on experimental science, science as art, art as science, diy science, and the like, but i don't know what to do about it. similarly to the previous desci talk, i am left thinking that the goal wasn't to talk about research, but to talk about possibility and to sell an idea. i leave the event, walk to pier 17 and look at the east river for a while. i take the bus home.

i meet with sohan because he's visiting from los angeles. we go to gather and he asks me about writing and workflow and tech and fundraising and geo-social apps a bunch of other stuff. we relocate to seward park and then go our separate ways. later, i leave my apartment to go to tofu tofu. i pass by lisa and kevin on the way and talk to them. i meet shannel at roosevelt park and we go to tofu tofu, where isabella joins us. we eat korean food and discuss media and some other stuff. i stop home and then go to quasimatt.com salon 01 at hair of the dog and join michael at a table. we start watching the monday night football game and he drops knowledge about football. i spot sebastian when i go to the bar. he joins our table and eric pulls up. munib shows up and then his friend evan arrives. salomon comes, and orb and zach show up later. cam arrives. people start ordering a lot of wings. bienstock comes for about two minutes, says hi, acts like he's going to order wings, and leaves. mikey comes, followed by eric, charley, cass, keegan, kathy, marcel, jamali, dull, cold, topher, jack, galaxia, cass, and sarah, who all seem to have come from galaxia's reading, chinese dollar store. i talk to everyone about various things. michael and zach discuss football, topher and sebastian praise and roast quasimatt.com respectively. topher shills urbit. dull mocks gay people and gets really drunk, and cam starts shilling their idea for a hot dog stand that uses deviled eggs as a condiment. when the game ends, i walk with cam and cass to delancey street. they get on the train and i go home.

i arrive at mccarren park for the last picnic, an event organized primarily by matthew donovan seemingly to unite various factions of extremely online literature-adjacent people who have petty conflicts and disagreements, both genuine and facetious. the picnic is also meant to allow people to hang out and have fun during the summertime. i immediately talk to annabel and michael, as well as sarah, who i met two nights prior for the first time. yung algo arrives, followed by cassidy and keegan. michael and i go to the deli for ice. when we come back, i say hi to alex bienstock, kathy, and cold before meeting caitlin and botticelli bimbo for the first time. matthew arrives and i help him relocate some picnic essentials like a speaker and a cooler. i meet and michael. i sit with galaxia and then talk to michael. i explain to him the infinitely complex technological mechanisms that undergird the read-only quasimatt progressive web app. minutes later, i inquire about his phd and he reveals that it’s in the field of computer science. i talk to elizabeth and kathy about the mcdonald’s cups they swapped among other things. eric shows me an excellent high quality photograph he took of me. i confront kitty about her accusations that this is a “gay picnic” but ultimately concede that it is, in fact, a gay picnic. i greet kyle and people do readings. meg does a hybrid skit and musical performance about clout. blake comes, and i talk to ariel and caleb. i sit with kyle. max joins us, and a woman sits with us. kyle and the woman bond over being femcels. i meet mackenzie and then talk to beckett, nikki, and crumps. i talk to eric, lillian, and some other people about lena dunham’s genius and epic systems, a health tech company headquartered near madison, wisconsin. matthew introduces me to bill and johan. i talk to galaxia before getting on the l train to go home. on the train, i stand right next to gus kenworthy. he plays today’s wordle. “olympic athletes,” i think to myself, “are just like me.”

i make a quasimatt progressive web app that allows people to get notifications on their iphones.

i meet saarim at time again. we discuss art grifting and his new events-related app, itm. i fuck with the vision. we part ways and i walk home.

i meet michael at houston and orchard and we walk to north dumpling where we meet topher and david. they talk about some urbit-related things. we all walk to sovereign house to attend a release party for an issue of sex magazine. we see hegelian egirl nikki and sovereign house affiliate matt outside and talk to them. i meet jamali and gabriel. i go to the back yard and meet sebastian, who talks to me about quasimatt.com and later about studying philosophy. i sit with cassidy and meet sierra and controversial documentarian billy. dull pulls up. josh pulls up. i meet jack and ronny before slipping inside, saying hi to crumps on the way. inside, i talk to cold. i go outside to pee and see nick. we go to the back yard and dull introduces me to sahaj, sarah, and amber. sarah and amber tell me about their upcoming magazine, tulpa. two girls approach nick and ask him how tall he is. he lies and says he's 6'5 when he is in fact 7'1. they seem to believe him, and one of them asks him if he has "some sort of disorder." i find the question really interesting. kathy, charley, cass, and morgan pull up. i say “hey chica” to kathy and meet sadie, who is with them. i go inside and talk to adrian and ariel by the bar. i say hi to max, chloe, and joe. in the back yard, galaxia joins me as i'm discussing topics. a guy walks by and says “where’s peter thiel? i need money.” i go out front and keegan and mark arrive. i meet roman and say hi to riska. david pulls up and i see genevieve, who tells me she’s incredibly disinterested in the party and then leaves. i go inside to see elizabeth and meet a guy named adrien who recognizes me from instagram. i talk to annabel, kitty, and chaeli. i leave with kathy and charley to go to 9 orchard and chill outside. others join us and we go to time again for a while. the squad walks to zara pizza and i get 2 slices before heading back to sovereign house. i talk with mark and dave, who shill me on some urinal-related technology, and then talk to billy, cassidy, keegan, and marika. on my way out, marcel introduces me to nick. nick asks me if my posts are ironic. i think he’s talking about quasimatt.com and evade the question to fabricate mystique. he reveals that he’s talking about my instagram beefs, which typically involve egregious lies, hyperbole, trolling, (debatably) “irony”, and other such things. i try to explain that my website is real and true and my social media is fake and gay but i get distracted before i can finish my point. i talk to dull and david outside. marcel joins us and we walk toward time again. i peel off to go home.

i go to kayla's to cowork with kayla and gab. we start on the roof, where abi joins us. we migrate to kayla's apartment and she serves us a delicious peach cobbler with ice cream. abi tells us about her expedition in the mountains that she just got back from while we play cards. kayla and i make some tiktok content. when abi leaves, gabe comes and tells us about his time at burning man. he makes it sound interesting, iconic, scary, exhausting, and a little freaky. we listen to music and chill. gabe does some business development and then leaves, and gab and i leave shortly after to go home.

i wake up and look out my window to see one world trade. i think about 9/11. i wish i could see one manhattan square from my window. later, i walk to maya’s gallery in soho and look at screenshots of artists’ phones. i talk to maya about addison rae and talk to saarim about the new app he’s making. i see ariel and sasha and talk to them. clay, adam, and steve arrive and i meet luke because they’re talking to him. it turns out they’ve forwarded him an iconic $1345/month rent stabilized studio in chinatown that i sourced for the quasimatt.com community, so we talk about that. i talk to blake and genevieve. some of the artists are present: lola, sotce, zarina, luke, katherine, steve, sarah, genevieve, and chloe say some words about their screenshots, and maya speaks for the others. i find the project interesting because it’s very “anyone could do it” and it therefore kind of encourages everyone to do it. while some of the artists are talking, i scroll my own screenshots trying to find one that’s unique or that represents me or one that's sacred. cass arrives and i talk to her for a while before meeting brett. i go to balthazar with clay and adam before going to jean’s for saarim’s event when is related to his app. i meet eden while we’re waiting outside, where josh and brian join us. inside, i talk to lucy and jake. danny greets me. the squad takes a couch and we chill for a while while alec plays his set. eden tells me about her career as a record label creative-turned-something-else. brian introduces me to dev. saarim talks to us for a bit. we leave the couch and start mixing and dancing a bit. i find keiran and then maya and luke join us. i talk to luke about drain gang. i stay for nick cheo’s set. he plays music that's good. i leave right after danny goes on because i do not feel like talking to people or being around people. on my way out, i walk past keiran on the street and realize he’s with a guy that makes tiktoks where people give apartment tours. i take the train home.

i meet kayla and gab at scarr's and we film some content for kayla's tiktok and instagram at scarr's and in dimes square. we eat at dudley's and walk to weyland's apartment. weyland, dull, and dull's friend connor are clustered around the computer, menyelek is on a bed-like situation type of deal behind them, and cassidy and keegan are on the couch. i talk to dull for a moment and he asks me to include various things on quasimatt.com and acknowledges that i changed clout forever before playing unreleased rap music on youtube. menyelek tells me, kayla, and gab about his recent fashion show and cassidy reads something she just wrote about it. it seems the fashion show involved some stunts and political messaging. i talk to connor about the pacific northwest and weyland and i talk about him subleasing my apartment while i travel. kayla alerts me to a knock on the door and i open it to reveal damilare. i talk to cassidy, keegan, and damilare about some lore related to cassidy's past relationships. i rejoin kayla and gab on the bed-like situation type of deal and damilare joins us. kayla and damilare discuss drake and related toronto lore at length. damilare rotates between making snide comments about me being evil, referencing a comment i made to him months ago that seemingly offended him, and cloutdropping famous people he has met or is friends with for the next couple hours. dull asks me to include various things on quasimatt.com again like the fact that he used to work with kanye west. kayla, gab, and i walk to the train and go home.

i walk to the location of a spongebob activation event with a shoe brand called heydude. kayla meets me there and we go into a strange spongebob-esque space with spongebob shoes and spongebob graphics and spongebob vibes. we find the influencer partner person so kayla can get her free influencer swag from her since kayla is an influencer that was invited to the event because she's influential and has a large online following on the tiktok app. the influencer partnership person talks to kayla and ultimately does not give her the shoes that were meant to be immediately gifted to me because kayla is canadian which makes her unable to meet some of the criteria necessary to redeem the spongebob shoes. kayla and i walk to culture for frozen yogurt and eat it in the park before walking around the west village and the meatpacking district. i watch lindita's instagram story and see that she's inadvertently at a zionism convention in washington square park so i message her to see if kayla and i should pull up. we walk to washington square park and meet lindita. lindita's friend gloria stops her on the corner as we're leaving the park and i meet her. lindita, kayla, and i walk to chinatown to drop lindita off at deluxe green bo and then kayla and i go to the lower east side where the police are breaking up a fashion week fiasco on hester street. we go to regina's for a delicious but overpriced italian sandwich and then go home.

i go to kayla's to record an episode of the crazy love vol ii podcast. we record it and then go on an adventure to the upper east side to look at rich people. after enjoying a beautiful view of roosevelt island from john finley walk, we go to koreatown and have a scrumptious korean meal. we hang out in bryant park and discuss grifting for a while and head back to kayla's apartment. i take the train home. when i emerge from the delancey-essex subway station, clay calls me and tells me he sees me nearby on find my friends. i meet him and levi in front of wingstop. they tell me they have been hanging out there for about an hour. i wish more people would get into things like that. it seems like everyone wants to be in a loud room these days. i meet reveka and steph and walk with their group until they split off and i walk home.

i meet kayla at matchaful on prince street for a nail polish activation event because kayla is an influencer that gets invited to new york fashion week influencer events and things of that nature. every single person there is a gorgeous influencer queen and they didn't even bring their gay sidekicks. we get our matchas which are supposed to be like $12 but are free and then kayla makes some content and they give her a gift bag containing various free items. we walk around soho and go to a store that's allegedly trying to sell glasses but is giving art museum. we go to kayla's apartment for a while until i realize i need my hardware wallet in order to complete some tasks for the day so i go home.

i go to kayla’s to cowork and fall asleep on her couch for three hours. we go to mikado for sushi, watch cocomelon, and then “watch” a show about egyptian pyramids while staring at our phones. i see that kristen is near my apartment at 169 bar on find my friends so i text her and pull up. i see max on the way and talk to him for ten seconds. i meet kristen's friend maggie. we discuss a number of topics and it's torturously loud in the bar. we all go home.

i walk to blade study for an opening and meet david and salty outside. charley arrives fresher and more vivacious than ever before and i meet bruno. we go to a gallery on hester and see annabel. i look at the art which is videos from a gopro that was strapped to a pigeon. salty, david, and i go outside and talk about how this type of art is boring but the social scene that surrounds it is lowkey interesting. david, salty, charley, annabel, and i walk to henry street and see chloe at no gallery. david, salty, and i go to cafe katja and get some appetizers, saying hi to genevieve on the way. we discuss art and our friends and stuff like that. i walk home. later, i walk to 99 canal to go to the after party for some of the artistic behaviors that occurred earlier in the day. i see david and blake when i arrive, and then find charley, salty, and kathy. i convince them to come to the roof. i meet a guy named lucas and then weyland appears after a long absence from new york. i find out that weyland was not in some rural forest firing guns but rather in berlin raving and doing things of that nature. i talk to charley about an inappropriate instagram group chat he’s in. i talk to kathy about spongebob. weyland asks, “matt, you’re gay, right?” i briefly talk to menyelek. blake tells me that a lady that used to be one thousand pounds got bit by a camel while on meth at the zoo. people leave and go back into the main room of the party, and i go home.

quasimatt.com is made open source on github.

i walk to a local coffee shop, gather, to meet peter. he arrives minutes later. we discuss the publication of his poetry on quasimatt.com and develop a system for ensuring the references in his work link to more information. we discuss rollout and monetization. while discusing money, peter reminds me that "there is something more important than money, and we both know what that is." i walk home.

kayla meets me in seward park and we take the train to john and sowa's housewarming party. kyle, who is famously on the team that runs the instagram account ineedgodineverymomentofmylife, lets us in and we say hi to amanda. i say hi to sameen. sowa comes downstairs and wesam arrives, followed by jill and anna. i eat an unreasonable number of cheese-stuffed peppers that sowa made. julia arrives. sowa gives kayla and me a tour of the home, which includes freaking massive windows and a spacious skylit bathroom as well as a problematic map covering an entire wall in one of the bedrooms. we migrate to the back yard and ned and tracy arrive. we discuss various topics such as slow cooking meat, electric vehicles, jill's music, and lots of new york things since many of the attendees grew up in new york. i meet tim. we go back inside and eat a scrumptious pile of meat that sowa prepared on the grill. i run to get some beers and other alcoholic beverages. we migrate to the roof and john starts djing for a while before sean takes over. i talk to sameen about her photography and apprenticeship. jacob arrives and tells me something really interesting. kayla and i take an uber home.

i meet kayla in soho. we go to saturdays to slurp a coffee and find a very small mouse in the back yard. we talk about various topics but i fixate on the mouse the whole time. we walk to battery park city and i get a pile of meat from mighty quinn's inside brookfield place. kayla and i walk home.

i go to dimes to meet gab, kayla, eddie, and andres. we sit on the beautiful canal street as garbage trucks rumble by and homeless people ask us for one dollar. i go home to get a hoodie and buy some gum. kathy texts me that she is going to a clout-adjacent event that she calls a "house show." after confirming that it's not a skinhead punk event or something of that nature, i walk to a venue which is probably multiple things but i know as matt weinberger's studio. kathy and i buy beer from the vending machine and come up with a handshake. we do some jokes and laugh and have a good time and talk to peter and charley. i ask kathy who here has clout and she tells me that it's really just peter and his friend curtis and mark aka thecobrasnake. mark takes pictures of peter and charley and some other people. kathy leaves to hang out with a bisexual person and charley, peter, and i go to shinsen. i meet sebastian as we're leaving. peter asks me to publish his poems. i can't tell what he means and i can't tell if he is trying to dangle clout in front of me to get free or cheap labor or if he is asking me because he respects me and is interested in my vibe or something more wholesome like that. we do an intense business negotiation on delancey street and i agree to help him publish his poetry in the way that i would help a friend. peter asks me about my job and i ask him about how funding movies works and we arrive at shinsen where i see lisa. lisa tells me that her friend yazz is having her birthday celebration there. she introduces me to yazz, griffin, and some other people. when i'm done talking to lisa, i realize that charley and peter have left. i walk home.

i walk to maya's midday to peruse her furniture and various household items because she's moving soon, and go home with a lamp and some pots after some intense negotiation. after work, i go to charco's birthday celebration at toad hall. i invite mihir and kayla, and they arrive. i talk to bita, lily, and briefly jonah. i meet prez, alex, and some other people for the first time. mihir drags kayla and me into an errand that he has to run, and we see vinny from jersey shore outside of his friend's affluent residence near hudson square.

kayla meets me outside her apartment and we go to jimmy john's for jjblts. we go to her rooftop and eat the jjblts while we work. kayla says she prefers a sandwich from subway to the jjblt. we do our jobs. i look at one manhattan square while i work. kayla asks me questions about her taxes and i answer them despite knowing very little about taxes, especially taxes for a non-u.s. citizen such as her. we finish work and go to the pier and watch people on jetskis. i walk home, walking directly past one manhattan square on the way.

i am mentioned in moral crema.

i go to gab's to cowork. gab and keeks are there when i arrive and kayla arrives much later. i work for a while and then feel restless and go for a long walk. when i get back, gab makes a delicious pasta with rabbit and some eggplant and some veal with peas and kayla makes some chocolate chip cookies. i eat it up and then kayla and i blast off to manhattan on the j train.

i meet up with raymond for the first time at betty on henry street. we mostly discuss crypto and crypto culture, which necessitates a discussion of grifting. i walk home.

i am referenced on j arthur diary.

i meet regy at stumptown to optimize quasimatt.com and make sure its data can be mined for centuries to come. regy spits out data of all types while i make minor edits to an html file. i go to gab's and kayla arrives shortly after me. gab makes a bunch of chicken and eggplant and other foodstuffs. lindita arrives with her "cousin" tina, immediately revealing that tina is famous on tiktok for lying, and later revealing that tina is not in fact her cousin but that she simply said they were cousins because they "spent all day together." i find the extreme bastardization of the word inspiring. lindita recently lost something very important and recounts the loss in detail. in the story, she engages in the exact same behavior that caused her to experience the loss three more times in the same night, seemingly unable to learn her lesson. we toast and celebrate her loss before eating our meal outside on the deck. cass joins us after dinner as lindita and tina do several comedic bits. gab, kayla, and i go to cami's apartment for her birthday celebration. i drink a lot of spindrift and eat her sushi and meet some of her friends. abi arrives and then i immediately tell everyone that i need to be at kevin's for rizztopia but need someone else to buy the uber because my phone is conveniently at 2%. gab gets an uber to kevin's and i begin the demanding and strenuous job of hosting the party. i immediately talk to kevin and then isa. i say hi to christian and pam and john. elizabeth arrives. sami arrives. lindita and tina arrive and lindita starts doing dance routines. blake comes with genevieve and starts waiting for ryan. genevieve mentions that i'm doing two parties in a row and asks me what the impetus for my behavior is. i tell her that it's fun. jacob and john arrive. john sees stevie across the room and realizes they went to kindergarten together. stevie doxxes me as a game theory expert to john. mihir introduces me to his friend namik who tells me that quasimatt.com is funny. nick and max pull up. nick tells me he's refreshed to be at a party where he hardly knows anyone. i meet orb for the first time irl. i meet eric. i go outside on the steps which are kind of wet with red paint. morgan and salomon arrive. diana arrives. alejandro arrives. i meet walter. i try to get everyone to migrate to the back yard. it mostly works and everyone climbs out the window and down the fire escape. i talk to maya and david and say hi to keeks and kwesi. i talk to adam and then have a long conversation with elisabeth where she makes me think a lot about honesty, intention, and lying, which are basically my favorite things to think about and discuss. i talk to cam and then munib, who tells me he was just harangued by an egirl. i meet sam. i go into the apartment to pee and talk to blake and ryan as they dj off of youtube. i chill in the back yard as the party dies down and say bye to everyone. kevin, john, and eric discuss some political stuff and i chime in every once in a while. the party completely dies and rizztopia is over forever. kevin, christian, aidan and i chat for a while and i take a lyft home.

i go to cafe katya to meet kayla, jeff, matt, and carter for dinner. jeff and matt are visiting kayla from toronto and they already know carter by virtue of them all being gay guys. i go home. later, i meet regy and mihir on the street to go to dullchella. while we're waiting to cross the street, they stop and talk to aviwe, who i meet for the first time. she comes with us to dullchella but leaves almost immediately. upon arrival to gonzo's, i immediately see nikki, shawty, david, cass, dull, cass, keegan, and tara lounging about in the chill vibe rooms. i have a headache so i ask everyone for tylenol or ibuprofen. no one has any these days so mary jane and i go to cvs nearby. when i come back, i talk to galaxia and see charley and kathy outside the venue. when i make it inside, annabel and linda are sitting in the corner. i talk to tanner about bladee as usual, and he introduces me to eric, lillian, and groceries. some guys i don't know get kicked out for doing coke off of their phones without trying to hide it at all despite the fact that security is wandering around. i talk to morgan and elizabeth. when morgan is telling me a crazy story about an ex she met on twitter, kayla arrives. kayla and i do a lap and talk to marcel and his two friends from his mba program. i run into ariel and then blake, and then levi, clay, and adam. kayla and i go outside for a break from the party. blake tells us about his problems. kayla and i oscillate between inside and outside the party for a while. she eventually leaves after we discuss her tiktok career outside. i see charley re-enter the party with two ice cream cones and go back inside where i meet tigerlily and then talk to maisy and say hi to crumps. i say hi to kitty. cass and keegan talk to me about desci and writing. i meet nick and then say goodbye to dull before getting on the elevator and divesting from dullchella. i walk home.

i meet abi at manny janeth cafe near my apartment and we cowork for a moment. we discuss grifting and then i show her how to invest her usdc in a high-yield stablecoin liquidity pool. abi leaves to go network and i meet maya at essex market and we take the train to myrtle broadway. we observe a building that she's considering moving into and then go to maria hernandez park, where we meet jess. we all walk to brooklyn kava and i order us each a small white kratom. we slurp them down and go to dahlia for burritos and tacos, which we eat in maria hernandez park. i'm off the kratom and feeling amazing when gab arrives. we all go to cherry on top to chill on the rooftop before maya and i exit to take the train home.

i am mentioned on crumpstack.

i meet david downtown and we walk to brick lane curry house for indian food. it's his first time eating indian curry. he tells me about his trip upstate, his lore, and things like that. we go to a bar that someone decided to name the scratcher for cass's extremely normal birthday celebration. the bar and the people are really normal and we have a really normal time. cass tells me she likes the scratcher because it's always empty, but it's not empty because many of her friends are there: ariel, kathy, dull, skooks, andi, aileen, cass, sasha, skates, ryan, tara, linda, galaxia, cory, and crystal. i discuss a number of topics with people and meet a few people i've never met before. the bar begins to smell of matches or perhaps a smoke bomb. i ask the bartender if this is normal. she says no. a while later, a bunch of firefighters come into the building and sniff around and then leave, explaining that some hooligans set off fireworks nearby and the smell made its way into the bar. it lowkey doesn't make sense based on my knowledge of science and physics and the like, but i roll with it and then eat some of the croissant cookie hybrid that crystal brought before walking home.

i sit in my apartment considering whether or not to go to the descinyc x bryan johnson event where bryan is answering questions about longevity. it seems like a good opportunity to cloutmaxx but i am feeling tired and gay. i ask for a vibe report in dullchat. charley says "don't go don't write about it it's tired and gay." it's a match! i walk to the venue in soho. when i get into the event space i do a lap around the bar and sit with keegan and cass. cass is writing an obituary for bryan johnson which she'll read before the event. adam, clay, and their friend brian find me and say hi. i talk to elizabeth before mingling a bit. i talk to magdalene, who's there to cover the event for gq. jose approaches us and we chat for a bit before i continue my lap and find matthew, who played a role in organizing the event. matthew uses his clout and fame to get me a press pass so i can have all the access necessary to write my quasimatt.com post. i go back to keegan and cass, who have been joined by lapuff. i talk to him for a bit and am asked to be interviewed for the descinyc instagram account. the interviewer asks me why i'm there. i ineloquently say i'm not there for scientific reasons, but for more of an artistic exploration of bryan's cult leadership. i talk to crumps and then make my way to the press-only section and sit with cass, keegan, and lapuff. after some introductions, cass reads her obituary for bryan, which is mostly terroristic, fixating on bryan's dick and shilling dull's upcoming party at gonzo's. cass and keegan leave, and bryan johnson is shown on the screen for a live interview. toward the beginning of the conversation, i see dull, adrian, and hegelian egirl nikki across the room. during the talk, matthew asks a question about access to longevity treatments. bryan doesn't really answer the question and seems quite unconcerned with the distribution of the benefits of the research. on the topic of being accused of "being a grifter" (his words), he says "there's no reason to listen to the opinions of any human ever." dull and i glance at each other when he says the word grifter. bryan launches into an aside about how people misunderstand his project as primarily scientific when really his public-facing project is philosophical and social. his goal is to convince people that they should want to live longer and prioritize living longer and abandon the idea that death is inevitable. for much of the back and forth, the panel of question-askers from descinyc and bryan seem to talk past each other. bryan is concerned with creating demand for a result: longer, healthier lives. he mostly refuses to go into detail about the methodology of the research. the desci people are extremely concerned with the process of doing research and getting funding and sharing data and results. following a question about the ethical limit of advancing the health of one group at the expense of another, bryan reveals a hyper-accelerationist commitment. he says he is unconcerned with ethical calculus now because the assumptions we make when doing such calculus will not be relevant assumptions in the near future. with artificial intelligence likely to expand our capacity for reasoning and significantly alter our social conditions, why should we think our paltry ethical concerns are relevant? we can offload these issue to the ai supergenius of the future! the obvious consequence of this logic is that we solve the scientific and technological problems now and worry about the distribution of the benefits and potentially harmful consequences later when we are better equipped to understand them using our 100x'ed reasoning power. i consider that the line of thinking makes sense if you assume an ai superintelligence that can solve ethical calculus problems is inevitably coming soon, but the interest that one of the richest people on earth might have in convincing the masses that they needn't worry about distribution of benefit or the negative consequences of his business on society at large is obvious. matthew asks a question related to the meta-analysis of longevity treatments, and bryan reiterates that he's less concerned about research methods and is more concerned with creating demand for the results of the research so that people can pursue those results in whichever way they want. i realize that bryan's reason for being here is similar to mine: he's not here to talk about science. he's here for artistic reasons: to construct a narrative and ask people to identify with a movement. in his own words, to create demand. he wants to talk on a philosophical and visionary level. josh taps me and says hi to me. bryan does super based utilitarianism and talks about how cigarettes and happy meals are genocidal. he makes parting comments encouraging people to live healthier lives, emphasizing the social nature of humans and reminding us that mimicry is powerful and we should try to get people to mimic healthy behaviors. i notice that bryan's rhetoric is split into two narratives: one that is unconcerned with the immediate or near-term distribution of the benefits of his own high-impact health-related behavior (longevity research) because he assumes the problem is better solved later, and one that implies that each audience member is, at this moment, responsible for the social impact of their relatively low-impact health-related behavior (eating well, going to bed early, etc.). when the talk concludes, i'm left thinking that i sort of vibe with the radical nature of what he's doing, but am confused by the way it's communicated and moralized. as i get up from my seat and make my way toward the exit, i think that he would be better off being more straightforward about the obsessive and narrow nature of his vision rather than diluting it in a seemingly incautious way. it also occurs to me that perhaps he must give people a mandate or a responsibility in order for them to get on board with what he's doing, but i wonder why the mandate is framed primarily as socially beneficial rather than exclusively self-interested. the talk concludes and i talk to darias and dull before leaving the building and walking home.

kathy gives me $1 to support quasimatt.com.

i meet dull outside scarr's pizza and get a cold brew at cafe grumpy. we sit in seward park and he tells me his promotional strategy for the upcoming dullchella. kathy texts us to come hang out with her, bienstock, and charley, so we go to hang out with kathy, bienstock, and charley at bienstock's apartment. charley generates a bunch of promotional ai videos for dullchella while we have ideas. people say stuff about angelicism and vibe shifts and things of that nature. kathy rocks out with bienstock's blow-up guitar. bienstock buys weed and gives me three copies of his recent book, too evil to die young, which i paid for in advance. i buy a lasagna pizza. charley comes with me to pick it up and discusses his recent sobriety. we go back and i scarf most of the pizza. bienstock and i discuss economics and cloutnomics as well as finance and business. everyone starts talking about how they want to take out a gun and play with it and shoot it. i become uncomfortable and leave. charley comes with me. i get a drink at the deli and come back for a while. i walk to bushwick and hang out with kyle and michael in their apartment. we all look through bienstock's book and kyle tells me about their roach problem. i leave to go to adam's birthday party. i arrive at his apartment and give him a copy of bienstock's book as a gift. people leaf through it and find it really interesting. i say hi to clay, ruby, levi, and morgan. i give myself a self-guided tour of adam's palatial apartment. i talk to dean and emma and meet moses, squibs, null, and maya for the first time. we sing happy birthday to adam and then everyone goes to birdy's. birdy's is lowkey loud so i take the train home.

i arrive at the gabe x rachelle function in fort greene and buzz up to gabe's apartment. my understanding of the event is colored by commentary on last year's rendition, which was billed as an "arab party" and guests were encouraged to bring arab guests. attendees reported that the majority of last year's attendees were white. this year is similar. i'm greeted by gabe and briefly talk to rachelle. shortly after i arrive, los pulls up. i know things about him already through mutual friends so i try to tell him as much as i can about his life (two facts) and he confirms the information is correct. gabe introduces me to parin. i meet hannah and say hi to abby, who i met once before at a dinner. abby and mack talk about some crypto stuff. i talk to malek and wesam for a while before mihir and regy arrive. dennis arrives and gab arrives with moka. gabe introduces me to his friend luke. regy and mihir tell me they're leaving for holyn's birthday party. i leave with them and gab joins. we take an uber to manhattan and go to the back of some hotel bar to find holyn, keeks, and tina. everyone at holynchella is hot and there is an open bar so regy and mihir lose decorum and order many drinks. i run into ruby and jacob shows up. i meet david, and we're kicked out of the private room because it's closing. regy, jacob, mihir, and i go to benvenuto cafe and i eat a delicious panini. they get in an uber and i walk home. i run into lisa outside time again and she tells me about her recent trips to hawaii and other interesting locations. i also see nick in the distance but i never make it to him before he leaves. lisa and i consider going out but ultimately decide against it and i walk the rest of the way home.

i meet kayla and mike on the train. we take it to williamsburg and walk to kidsuper for uniswap happy hour. i say hi to brenner and joseph and go to the back yard. abi arrives. cami and her roommate karisa arrive. i talk to winny about the "lost tapeworm" poster she found in williamsburg and meet nir and sophia. brenner tells me that burning man is for gay people. i talk to chase. i say hi to masha and anisha and meet amal. gab arrives. i mingle for a bit and meet some other people and then go to a gorgeous outdoor mexico city-esque space called tabu with abi, kayla, cami, gab, mike, and karisa. i see that gabe is nearby on find my friends so i invite him and he pulls up. i take the train home.

i go to the downtown brooklyn panera bread to cowork with abi for several hours. it's cold and the music is loud but we persevere, getting several refills and oscillating between locked in moments of silence and talking at 3000 words per minute at a rather high volume. i go home and then go to bushwick. sowa and john meet me at the monkey king where we eat a duck and some other stuff. we walk through the idyllic streets of bushwick to famously incinerated nightclub rash. i say hi to jarod, hannah, and ray. i talk to elizabeth, who expresses disapproval at the false narratives that i constructed to frame the night. she tells me she expected lots of people since over 600 people rsvp'ed to rashchella. i admit that i falsified the attendee numbers. she still graciously promulgates my lie that ella emhoff is present at the event online. i talk to mya and then go outside and find kristen and justin. i go to birdy's for a while to visit blake and ryan who are sitting outside. cass arrives, followed by kayla and gab. we get a drink and sit outside before maisy, morgan, ariel, and cass arrive and join us. mihir arrives and i go inside to use the restroom. inside, i encounter clay and adam, who introduce to dean and emma. i go into rash and talk to blake and emily. tarun arrives and asks me about my life. i start talking to some gay guys: casey, kyle, michael, and henry. i dance with michael, kyle, and henry and they reveal that a certain chill gay guy friend of ours has a large and luxurious property in hawaii, which we plot to pillage. maya arrives on the dance floor. i see annie and joseph outside. nick and adrian ask me why there aren't 600 people. i tell nick that i lied about some stuff but i learned my lesson about how lying is bad, which is a lie. adrian introduces me to kristine and rachel. i say hi to quasimatt.com data scientist regy and then max introduces me to thea, who leaves because it's too loud, before telling me he does not like to appear on lists. jared pulls up and mike arrives straight from the airport with a backpack to spend his first ever moments in new york at rash. cam, moe, and faith drop by because faith is looking for the love of her life, but they leave because they find it more likely that love can be found at happyfun hideaway. alex and jasper pull up. sidd arrives, and kristen plays various bangers before ending her set with diet pepsi by addison rae. the crowd cheers. i mingle, talk to camille outside about her recent trip to san francisco, and then get on the train with kayla and mike to go home.

i go to kayla's toward the end of the workday. while i'm finishing my work, she makes some scrumptious italian appetizers. gab arrives and kayla makes pasta and meatballs. we gobble it up in about ten minutes and then go to the roof of kayla's extremely luxurious building to eat a pistachio cake and enjoy the views. it gets cold so we go inside and watch tv for a bit and i go home.

i meet mihir near my apartment and we go to 99 canal to meet blake. we struggle to get in but eventually find blake and he takes us to the roof where genevieve is vibing. we put an end to her peace and blake plays the same video of her boyfriend off of his phone at least 10 times. mihir and i leave to walk around. we pass one manhattan square and sit under the manhattan bridge discussing grifting. i get a juice at shan fu and go home.

i meet kayla in my neighborhood and we grab a coffee at little canal. jackson texts me that he's in the east village so we walk toward him and meet him on houston. we go to cafe himalaya and discuss kayla's and jackson's tiktok careers. kayla and i go to bunny's apartment. raffi arrives and i hand her the key and give her a tour of the apartment. kayla and i go to gab's apartment and chill about. kayla, gab, and i go to taqueria al pastor and then buy a bottle of tequila to give to faith. we walk to faith's apartment for her 26th birthday party, faithchella. when we arrive, i talk to sam, cam, sydney, kailey, lindita, maddie, munib, salomon, and rena. i meet matalin. i spend most of my time at the party on the front porch, where i meet sabrina and amanda. crystal and cass arrive seemingly so that crystal can use the household fridge as cold storage for her takeout. crystal tells me that she wants to do a project where she maliciously psychoanalyzes our friends. jonah arrives and i meet maggie. brennan comes and tells me that it was rather presumptuous to "add all of my friends to a group chat." i remind him that the quasimatt.com group chat does not consist of my friends but rather everyone i meet that i'm able to find on twitter, but i don't argue with the accusation of presumption. lindita makes everyone sing one direction. lindita gives a speech about faith and faith. crystal tells kayla she looks like charli xcx. crystal tells rena she looks like olivia rodrigo. gab ubers home. kayla and i go upstairs to say bye to everyone. sydney makes ableist comments to me. kayla and i exit faithchella, get in a revel, and go home.

charlie pokes into my room to say goodbye before he goes to work. i return the house key to lilith and go to lax. i fly to new york and lyft home.

i rehash the previous night with charlie in his bedroom and talk to lilith about the olympics in their living room. charlie and i go to 7-eleven and then eat thai food and go to bed.

i wake up and immediately see charlie and don't wish him a happy birthday. i meet his roommate robert. i go to downtown los angeles to work and everyone starts wishing charlie a happy birthday in a group chat. i do a walking tour of skid row. i call a lyft from the middle of the neighborhood and the lyft driver tells me that jesus loves me and has a plan for me. i text charlie to have a happy birthday. i go back to charlie's and watch the olympics with charlie and lilith. charlie and i go to betsy's luxurious home which has a massive ornate mirror and a pool in the back yard. their friend skiah arrives with a bottle of wine and we lounge in a luxurious manner in the back yard before going to AOC for charlie's birthday dinner. we meet alyssa and nick at the bar and have a large delicious meal consisting of not only food but beverages as well. we discuss typical los angeles topics such as famous celebrities, chappell roan, and the entertainment industry, among other things. alyssa and nick depart and charlie, skiah, betsy, and i go back to betsy's where she djs. her sister clark arrives. we uber to a bar called apt 200 where bhargava meets us. we dance and drink before blasting home.

lilith gives me a key to the house. charlie and i go to a mexican restaurant called sonoratown where i have a really good burrito.

hilary arrives at our airbnb to give ruby, josh, and braden a ride. they hop in a car and i hop in the other car with adam, aleqth, levi, and clay. we all go to a diner in idyllwild and then hit the road. i get dropped off at charlie's house. i meet his roommate lilith and charlie and i go to culver city to go to boba guys and eat some sushi. he drives up to the hills so we can watch the sunset and then he drives me through part of the valley for the first time ever while telling me its lore. we go home and go to bed.

i wake up and eat breakfast with adam, levi, aleqth, ruby, clay, josh, and braden. adam creates and publishes immutabletweets.com. we get coffee and breakfast and meet miguel and ana at the coffee shop. they need a ride to fest so i go in the trunk so we can fit them in the car. levi, aleqth, josh, braden, and i explore the river near the idyllwild campus that people call the grotto. the views in the ravine are simply gorgeous. i imagine the rocks falling from the mountains and killing us. i go with adam and clay to talk to efdot, and then meet juanna at uniswap cafe. i run into dc sitting at a picnic table and then go to a talk about some novel economic mechanism but i can't really pay attention so i leave. i go to a club chess event where i talk to clay, corrine, aleqth, adam, and levi. clay obliterates me at chess. adam, clay, aleqth, levi, and i go to watch the sunset over the mountains and take some pictures. aleqth and i talk to efdot and his friend before we all watch the a.g. cook performance at the main stage. after a.g. cook, the squad goes to see dj python and i find maya hanging out with jess who i had previously discussed lena dunham with. we make plans to watch the northman and drink kratom. i meet a bunch of other people at the dj python thing that i don't remember. aleqth, clay, and i take a shuttle to an italian restaurant called ferro where everyone is partying and vibing. ruby is djing when we arrive. i meet ali and talk to sarah and iltimas. clay's friend alice gives clay, aleqth, and i a ride home.

i wake up in a palatial and spectacular cabin in the beautiful idyllwild california. i am helpless and unable to legally drive so adam takes me to the town to buy a toothbrush. we come back to the airbnb and have breakfast with levi, ruby, clay, and josh. levi, adam, and i drop ruby off at the fest so he can participate in a galaxy-brained roundtable discussion and i go to get my festival wristband. while trying to figure out where to get my wristband, i run into sean and his friend and they give me a 300 foot ride from the wrong location to the right location. i take a shuttle to the fest and meet juanna at uniswap cafe. she introduces me to brian. i talk to winny and then go to ruby's roundtable discussion about brat summer and memes and stuff like that. i rejoin with adam, levi, clay to look for hidden figurines strewn across the idyllwild campus and meet aleqth. i meet joseph irl for the first time, run into brenner, and then go to a talk about the metaphysics of party culture. i see saarim at the talk and go outside to meet penryn. the squad goes to uniswap happy hour and i drink a bunch of whiskey pineapples. i meet miguel and ana, see maya, and then mix with the uniswap people, including chase, masha, joseph, dom, and jordan. i talk to corrine and then juanna, maya, and i hop in their car to go to an italian restaurant where maya encourages juanna and i to grift harder. we stop at maya and juanna's luxury yurt and i play in the babbling brook while maya takes a nap and juanna gets ready to go back to the fest. after bullying maya to get up for a while, we go to the fest and see perfume genius. we head to the other side of the campus to go to some dj sets and socialize. i talk to chris, meet up with ruby, and talk to a girl from mexico. i see famous celebs zack fox and ka5sh but don't talk to them and then go home.

i am mentioned in kathypill.

i lyft to jfk in the wee hours of the morning and fly to los angeles. i hop off the plane at lax and meet up with adam, levi, and clay. we rent a car and go to the in-n-out right by the airport where i demolish two burgers. we go back to the airport to pick up josh and drive to idyllwild. we get to the airbnb and "settle in" (throw our luggage into the bedrooms) before going to get groceries to make breakfast and a lot of beer. we all eat an an italian restaurant and then go to basecamp/fwb fest. at the site, i meet ruby and run into juanna. i talk to juanna about wisconsin and santa barbara, i briefly talk to stef, and the event staff kick us out. adam, levi, clay, and i drop juanna off and go back to the airbnb.

i go to dayglow for my "leaving new york" get-together because i'm leaving new york for one week. no one is there on time so i sit outside sipping my totoro beverage. alex drops by for a while on his way to the airport to go to michigan. michael pulls up, followed by maisy, who gives me a gorgeous going away card. henry, maddie, michael, gab, kayla, david, and cass also come and we sit outside slurping down various drinks and discussing various topics. gab brings moka. cass divests from the group and we go to maria hernandez park and continue to discuss topics. kyle meets us there, fresh off a flight from california. the group disperses and i get on the train with michael and kayla to go home.

i meet ryan in my neighborhood and then walk around the gdsa (greater dimes square area) and go to seward park. we talk about defi and then he asks me a bunch of questions about dimes square lore. he tells me about crypto anon lore and we both walk home. adam tells me to come to winnie's. i want more people to come so i make a flyer for the "quasimatt cultural summit." when i arrive at winnie's, i see morgan and she tells me that it's cass's birthday party and that's why everyone is meeting up. i feel horrible for attempted hijacking of cass's birthday but soon realize that it doesn't freaking matter and no one freaking cares. i meet skates and c-node pulls up. shaumbe arrives and i talk to him about disc golf. i meet cass and say hi to ariel. adam and his texan friend collin come and collin does some pr for texas by advertising their barbecue and bravely admits to being a fellow joeyy stan. latina cass arrives. i greet zach and talk to aaron. faith arrives and takes me outside where giliann is vibing. we stay outside for a while before a gaggle of skaters begins to claim the outdoor space as their own. while we're fighting the normie vs. skater turf war, crystal arrives. i offer to help her look for a job in event planning because she is looking for a job as an event planner. i offer to help shaumbe look for a job as a designer because he is looking for a job as a designer and has a portfolio available at shaumbe.com. cass, cass, crystal, ariel, morgan, andres, yurii, faith, giliann, shaumbe, and i go to dim sum palace. crystal orders a bunch of food for the table in collaboration with some others who have fake dietary restrictions. crystal doxxes cass as a twinkphile. when crystal presents a theory of the twink that is behavioral and not rooted in body type, i press her to fully conceptualize behavioral twinkhood. she successfully describes a quiet power that's wielded by twinks, convincing me that the word twink describes a social mode enabled by the twink's ability to quietly command attention. the conversation lulls just in time for ariel to announce "yeah my gay boyfriend likes drain gang!" we finish our meal and everyone venmos me immediately. we exit dim sum palace and i walk with shaumbe to the train station before going home.

i go to famed henry street restaurant betty for dinner. kayla is there when i arrive, fresh off the plane from italy. i ask her about her trip and her return to america and she expresses a fear of society catalyzed by her relative isolation on the coast of italy for about a month with gab and nat. we get a scrumptious apple pie for desert and i wait with her for the m9 bus. when it arrives, she boards and i walk home.

i meet mihir at the dumbo cinnabon. we split a cinnamon roll and then walk to through brooklyn heights. we go to poppy's and then visit an aapi protest/rally event in cadman plaza park. we walk through vinegar hill and go to commodore barry park. i walk to the f train and go home.

i go to mihir's apartment to find him and keeks in the midst of a grifting session. they wrap up their current grift and we hop in mihir's car to go to jackson heights for indian food at samudra. after we finish our meal, we explore jackson heights. everything is really indian. mihir gets an indian snack called paan and mihir and keeks both get some rose syrup. mihir drives us back to his place, and keeks leaves. mihir and i chill on the roof for a while and then watch milf manor 2 until 3:30am, when i go home.

i pull up to moma ps1 to see easyfun. i walk in to his divine remix of domino by jessie j before finding blake and david. we jam out to some tunes and purchase some alcoholic beverages. i drink a warm pink whitney shooter that david brought. when easyfun's set is over, i immediately leave to go to planet rose as part of faith's event, faithdependence day, which celebrates the end of her employment. i get to planet rose before the group and grab some pizza nearby. sydney, munib, faith, kailey, maddie, cam, rena, faisal, elise, and moe all arrive together and meet me outside. we consume alcohol and people perform various songs that i don't know as well as a couple songs that i do know. faith tells me about her lena dunham live action roleplay experience (going to a writer's workshop in iowa). we go to the library for a couple drinks. i see that reno is in new york and a couple avenues away so i text him to meet us there. munib and i talk about how our parents don't like gay people. reno arrives with jonathan, emily, and olivia. i talk to them briefly before reno blasts off for a new adventure. the squad decides to go to mansions which is really freaking far away from where i live, so i go home.

i meet drea and dan at trapizzino for an italian meal. they show me pictures of their gorgeous pennsylvania home. we talk about some crypto stuff and some homeless people ask us for money while we're eating. we walk through the lower east side so they can go see a show on a boat. i walk home.

i take a lyft to the pershing square signature center to see a musical about the pulse nightclub shooting called from here. it already started so i have to sit in the late people section instead of with my friends. i watch the musical which is lowkey interesting and then talk to kyle, michael, and henry when it's over. we walk through midtown to the times square subway station and i go home.

gabe meets me in the lobby of his wework at dock 72 in the navy yard and takes me to the firstmate labs office. i take some left over food from the kitchen area and work from the large windowed room with an iconic view of some buildings and stuff of that sort. abi arrives and we all go to a shawarma restaurant for a late lunch. we discuss triathlons, vacation bible school, and judaism. we go back to the wework to finish out the workday. gabe shows me the memecoin infrastructure he has been shilling lately. abi gives gabe and me a presentation about public relations in crypto. we have a really informed and insightful discussion where we have lots of correct opinions and takes about how the industry works. abi and i leave and walk to the f train. i run some errands and then go home.

i am mentioned in kathypill.

i arrive at rooftop reds in the brooklyn navy yard and meet up with emily and haiver. i'm here because abi is using her clout and fame to get us all into an art event later but we're assembling on a gorgeous rooftop beforehand. abi arrives as i'm getting a scrumptious berry-flavored soda, and elisabeth comes shortly after. emily, haiver, and elisabeth are all artists, so the conversation is often about either art or the social dynamics of their sect of the art world. elisabeth tells abi and me about an exhibition she recently did in berlin where she worked with bakers to make cakes inspired by a poem she wrote. we talk a little about the role of the institution in the art world and i tell her about alex bienstock. kevin shows up extremely late and starts talking about drama in the generative art space. we leave the rooftop and abi leads us to a building which we think is the art space but which is actually not the art space, so we do an impromptu tour of the spacious building called newlab where scientific discovery and experimentation seems to occur. we eventually make it to the correct building and wait in a large unfinished space with a small bar and props for the upcoming green day tour. abi introduces the group to natalia, who is somehow affiliated with the art and artist. the artist, lua, ushers us into the exhibition space. there are two works, which are focused on experimentation with light. the rooms have some sort of fog which makes the lights' rays visible and include mirrors which direct the light into patterns that are interesting. each room also has its own soundscape. it's giving art but it's also giving science. lua speaks a bit about each of the works and takes questions. we play with the lights and take some pictures before the group disperses and i take a car home.

i drop off my laundry and meet lindita and munib at bode. we pretend to shop. lindita networks with the bode employees. we leave to go to kiki's. peter and i greet each other as he walks by on hester. we eat a meal at kiki's and then lindita, munib, and i go to shan fu for juices and a slush and then go to a number of clothing stores. lindita networks with the kiki's employees, people sitting on the curb in dimes square, her old coworker that walks past us while we're at shan fu, and then the employees of pretty much every store we enter. lindita does the apple dance in front of a green car on orchard street. i drop munib and lindita off at delancey essex and go home. i see that david is nearby on find my friends and text him to hang out. i meet him, his friend brett, and nick at seward park. we go to sovereign house where there is a launch party for some conservative political magazine. i say hi to tanner on the way in. david points out that we walked past anna khachiyan. inside, i see a bunch of people i have met or recognize, but only really talk to the people i came with, marcel, and his girlfriend jackie. i go outside with david, brett, and nick for a while before everyone is told they have to leave or go inside. i leave and they go inside. at home, i check find my friends and see that blake and ryan are nearby. i text them and they tell me to come to a party at the metalabel office a couple blocks from my apartment. i find blake and ryan immediately and then say hi to genevieve, who is bartending, and chloe. blake and i go to time again to meet up with annie. annie introduces me to joseph. i talk to blake outside for a while about his fake magazine and then we go back upstairs to the party before i go home.

kathy tells me to join her at peter's. i go there to find cassidy, charley, chloe, kathy, peter, annabel, and nate all hanging out in his studio apartment. kathy and cassidy are writing and peter and nate seem to be editing the credits of peter's upcoming film. kathy and i talk about our writing assignment from justin lapuff and she reads her "theory of online" out loud. it's beautiful. she offers me some salami and we eat. a girl named mary jane comes wearing goth pants and we introduces ourselves to each other. kevin texts me that he's outside. i go to meet him and we go to a bunch of galleries in the lower east side. i stop to get gnocchi. i get a cantaloupe coconut juice at shan fu, and it is the best beverage i've ever had in my entire life. we go to seward park, where i tell kevin about alex bienstock and show him his book, too evil to die young. david walks past us on the way to sovereign house and joins us. kevin asks me what interesting thing he has to do or say that will be notable enough to mention on quasimatt.com. i tell him anything that aggrandizes me or positions me or quasimatt.com as significant should work. we go to sovereign house for galaxia and lillian's event, chinese dollar store, which is a reading about shoplifting and grifting. i say hi to matthew outside the venue. when i enter, i beeline to galaxia, who introduces kevin, david, and me to justin. i say hi to chaeli and go to the back yard where david and i talk with beckett and then sit on a log with a girl named dasha who tells us that she arrived really early and has been waiting a long time for the event to start. i go inside to tell galaxia to freaking start and am told it will be another ten minutes so i go back to shan fu and get another cantaloupe coconut juice. when i come back, the event starts. galaxia and lillian explain the theme and format before annabel reads. chaeli and lillian read, and then i leave during the intermission. i'm at home for a while and then pop out to go to excuse my french with david for dinner. when we finish our meal, dull and weyland pull up. we start walking to the river and meet up with galaxia, chaeli, and lillian in the street. galaxia gives me a bomb pop and i go to the river with david, dull, and weyland. it's full so we go to dr. clark's. we sit at a table and discuss things. weyland eats a hot dog. they go to the river and i walk home.

i meet michael, ariel, crystal, ali, and zach in dimes square after they have drinks at clandestino. we walk to kiki's. on the way, we see crumps and matthew and stop briefly to say hi. at kiki's i find abi and crystal leaves. i talk to the host. the table won't be ready for 45 minutes so we go to reception. i mostly talk to abi about career stuff and her living situation. when our table is ready, we go back to kiki's. michael, ariel, ali, zach, abi, and i enjoy a scrumptious spread of greek food for just $120. the conversation starts out normal but eventually we start discussing some deep lore related to our social group and tell abi about the degenerate characters we know and love. when we finish our meal, michaell, ariel, ali, and i leave for david shor's birthday party. it begins to downpour so we hide out under some scaffolding and call an uber. the uber ride is five minutes and drops us off at david's apartment for shorchella. michael uses his clout and fame to get me in (the door is ajar with absolutely no one checking who enters). michael introduces me to david. i look around the apartment, which features a large blow-up igloo in the middle of the spacious living room, a kiddie pool full of plastic balls, a makeshift tent, and a neon sign that reads "no politics." i recognize the pool and balls from party photos, and throughout the night i meet lots of people who say they met david at a party. some others met him through politics-related work. i enter the tent in search of a phone charger but never find it. my phone dies. david is presented with cupcakes and candles. we sing happy birthday and he makes a speech about how he intentionally kept this gathering on a besties-only vibe. i sneak to the back because i don't know him and the speech is not for me. i talk to manavi, a columbia student with a chill ass vibe, about lena dunham's girls and her upbringing in manhattan. she introduces me to a couple of her friends. when i leave the tent, i meet stephania, who all my friends know but i have never met. matthew arrives and i talk to him about some scene lore and political stuff. i meet a congressional lawyer named elizabeth. she shows me her watercolor greeting cards with morbid messages and then asks me about myself. i tell an abridged version of my life story, intertwining it with an exposition of my theory about why so many gay guys are conniving narcissistic liars, which is really meant to excuse my own behavior. i make sure she knows that when other people are like that it it's bad but when i'm like that it's interesting and artistic and cool. i don't want to stay out late, so i leave shorchella with ariel. on our way out, we run into crumps as he's smoking outside. he asks us who's still at the party and then enters. i walk ariel to the subway and walk home.

dull hits me up to go to some sort of matt weinberger grill sesh. adam hits me up to go to someone's birthday at the river. dull explicitly acknowledges that he's inviting me to appear on quasimatt.com. i go to matt weinberger's studio for a backyard grill vibe. dull uses his clout and fame to get me into the event in a social sense, but keegan physically ushers me into the space. i walk through the spacious and beautiful studio to the spacious and beautiful back yard and get in the chair. i sit with keegan, dull, cassidy, and annabel. they encourage me to venture to the basement, which is the most gorgeous of all and is outfitted sort of like a lounge. the grilling has already occurred and the food has been eaten. cassidy mentions that she's going to sierra armor's birthday party, which turns out to be the same thing that adam invited me to earlier. i ask who sierra is and keegan tells me she lives in a "right wing trap house." we walk to the river. i talk to chloe. when we sit down, i have my first significant conversation with annabel, who tells me she's writing a piece about shoplifting that she plans to read at galaxia's upcoming reading event, chinese dollar store. we go outside because cassidy, keegan, and annabel want to smoke. adam pulls up in an uber and we exchange about two sentences. i leave with annabel, dull, cassidy, and keegan. i walk home and as i'm about to put my key in my door, adam texts me that he's going to winnie's. i go to meet him there but winnie's is closed so i talk to him, josh, and isabella, who i meet for the first time, in the street. josh asks me if i stopped being gay. they uber home and i walk back to my apartment.

i wake up and am not hungover and thus cannot report that i had a chellacaust, which sort of constitutes a chellacaustcaust. i get on the f train to meet cass, michael, maisy, and david in red hook. cass texts me that she thinks we're on the same train. i look up and she's sitting across from me. we take the train to carroll gardens and walk to red hook, where we meet michael at the park. he's sitting on a bench near the red hook pool reading a book by some problematic and cancelled author. we go to ikea for meatballs and a lingonberry beverage. maisy meets us at ikea. david bikes to red hook and meets us at ikea. we peruse the store and go to brooklyn crab. we order the 96 ounce mega moscow mule and a bunch of seafood and are seated in the most gorgeous possible booth on the roof and watch the sun set over the statue of liberty as we enjoy our meal. david says it's the most normal thing he's done in three years. we see an extremely large boat close to shore so david, michael, and i go to try and see it up close. we're too late so we hang out at the pier 41 waterfront garden and maisy and cass meet us. we go to sunny's, plan our next trip to red hook over a drink, and discuss various dramas in our social circle. we all head home.

i meet cam in bushwick to pregame at left hand path for ariel's summer party. cass arrives and we slurp up some alcoholic beverages. we discuss neologisms with suffixes like chella and caust. cam suggests that i refer to hangovers as chellacausts. cam goes to a birthday party and cass and i embark on a journey to find the ingredients to serve up pickleback shots at the function. after some trials and tribulations, we procure some jameson and pickles and pull up to arielchella in ridgewood. i talk to sasha and ariel and introduce myself to giliann, who i've seen at a house party or two before. i talk briefly with crystal. cass and i convince people to do picklebacks with us a couple times. i briefly talk to david aka djpn. i meet skooks for the first time. he grills me about my views on lying and intention. i meet aaron, who obsesses over the costco guys, and an artsy egirl named morgan, who encourages me to sue people on a regular basis. when i leave the back patio to use the restroom, i encounter max, who tells me he was at html event in red hook where people were speaking favorably about quasimatt.com. i retreat to a back room with ariel, cass, and skooks. skooks and i autistically press buttons on a machine that's supposed to control stage lights and stuff like that. we vibe out for a while and sasha and i take the train home to manhattan discussing real estate.

i walk to problematic genius charley's apartment for affluent giga-brained technologist weyland's birthday celebration. keegan greets me at the door, and dull and kathy are on the couch when i get there. weyland and cassidy are also chilling and vibing. they're playing music videos of old music, drinking coors light, and doing some other more nefarious things. the other latina cass arrives, and david arrives with candles. charley and kathy sneak away to put the candles on the cake that charley made and someone turns the lights off to create a magical moment when kathy emerges from the kitchen with weyland's candle-adorned cake. we sing happy birthday and weyland blows the candles out. the squad needs beer so david offers to grab it and i leave with him. we go to shinsen, where julian ribeiro of interview magazine is having a birthday party. i've never met him in my life but kristen is there with annie so i go to say hi. kristen, annie, david, and i sit and talk for a while. david and i leave and see darias in the street before david heads back to charley's and i bounce to bushwick to watch a movie with kyle and michael in their apartment because i'm not really in the mood to socialize, party, and do things of that sort. the l train smells like sour tuna salad. when i get to kyle and michael's, kyle gives me a belated birthday gift: a 3xl t-shirt that features the name and iconography of our favorite extremely poorly reviewed musical with an all-autistic cast: how to dance in ohio. we don't watch a movie but we do get really obsessed with the song i love you always forever by donna lewis and listen to the original and some covers over and over before i lyft home.

i meet sowa near my apartment and we walk to blade study for the opening of em aull's exhibition. the work is paintings representing city scenes. we grab spindrift and hang out outside. michael arrives as sowa and i are discussing our housing drama, and john comes shortly after. we go back into the exhibition for a moment to peruse the art before michael suggests that we go to the nearby matt weinberger exhibition at the sitting room on henry street. we walk there. there's a huge crowd of stereotypical art world lower east side types with a partylicious vibe outside, and i push my way in with john and sowa. we see a few pictures of people we know and some celebs and people like that and then leave to grab a drink at clockwork. michael meets us there and then leaves to go rave in bed stuy. we go to zia maria in little italy for pasta. sowa announces that katy perry has released her much-anticipated single, woman's world. we put our airpods in and listen to it in the restaurant. i search matt weinberger on instagram and realize i've seen him at least 20,000 times at every party and event i've ever been to and never realized he was a poc (person of clout). we leave the restaurant and i get on the train to go to rohan's birthday party at a camera store on grand street in williamsburg. i don't know what to expect because rohan lives in north carolina to work for mrbeast and yet i've been told over 100 people were invited. i have no clue who they are going to be because it seems unlikely that he could know that many people in new york without living here but it seems he's just famous. i greet kevin almost immediately. when i go to the backyard, i talk to mihir, who invited me, and his friend tayeb. the dj, nick cheo, is extremely good and playing actual bangers. i stop to talk to keiran and say hi to asvin, who i met last night. diana runs around doing several comedic bits which i occasionally contribute to, and i meet lenny, who works with rohan at the mrbeast media complex. my phone dies so i don't see the texts and calls from david as he tries to figure out how to get to the party, but he makes it in anyway. i talk to paul, who hosted the cow meet and greet event on broome street where he has a gallery, and kevin introduces me to adam, who has an online gallery for generative art called tender. it seems like everyone is a gallerist these days. michael meets us as the event is winding down at around 10:30. we consider attending the rohanchella official afterparty but instead i check find my friends and see that alex and christian are nearby at tradesman, so david, michael, and i go there to meet them. alex tells me about his recent trip to tokyo and i encourage him to host a party in his apartment this weekend. david and i walk to bushwick talking about how everyone at rohanchella was attractive and seemed to have some money and i take the train home.

i'm at bunny's and mihir calls me because he's nearby. i meet up with him, rohan, and rohan's friend asvin. we discuss grifting and some other topics while walking around and all go home.

i meet dull at sey under the pretense that i'm writing an extremely revealing psychological profile on him for quasimatt.com. we talk about dull's cat, and i inadvertently shift the conversation to the holocaust. as a result, we discuss performance on social media and ryder_ripps. i find sey a bit too serious, so we relocate to dayglow where i can get a sugary cocktail but with coffee in it instead of alcohol. dull talks about chloe21e8, goth600, and their approach to memetic analysis and promulgation. we discuss controversy and online meme and lore construction. dull presents a theory of a new humiliation economy, where social dynamics--especially our favorite dynamic, clout-farming--can be most easily understood by examining their humiliating effects. dull has a well-evidenced, robust understanding of farming attention from controversy, the extent of which becomes clear to me for the first time throughout our conversation. we walk to dahlia, eat our scorching burritos in the scorching maria hernandez park, and return to sey for our final caffeination. i go to jackson's apartment where he is watching worst roommate ever with henry. we ki and michael arrives. i'm hungry so i leave to get food and then go home.

i'm supposed to fly to los angeles but i cancel my flight because i need to deal with boilercaust and my life is too wacky and crazy to leave for a week. i pick up some boxes of dora merch from kayla's apartment and deliver them to bunny and tanya. we get karaage at karazishi botan and bunny gives me the key to his apartment so i can stay there while the aftermath of boilercaust plays out. i say bye to bunny and tanya and they hop in an uber to go to brussels. i go home to deal with boilercaust and then come back to bunny's at night.

i wake up at around 6am at bunny's to tanya on a work call. i have texts from my property manager saying that the fire department broke into my unit because my faucet was left on. i go home to find that my faucet was in fact not left on and the boiler in the unit above mine broke, causing serious damage to the hallway and part of my unit. i spend all day trying to resolve the issues that resulted from the damage and from the fire department bashing my door in for basically no reason.

i arrive at bunny's for bunnychella while bunny and tanya are still working. regy comes shortly after with an extremely large grill and we bring it to the back yard. i connect to bunny's speaker and start playing chicken fried by zac brown band and other songs of that sort. wesam comes and tanya and i go to buy alcohol. we come back with a bunch of beer, and brian, john, and sowa show up. sowa has prepared some meats and starts going crazy on the grill on the back yard. birb and jamie arrive, followed by kayla and gab, who also brings moka. mihir, gabe, and kathy come. kathy and i retreat for a while to talk in the backyard. kaitlyn, josh, tarun, andres, sri, darlenne, keeks, sami, diana, and jared pull up throughout the night, among others. we do a bunch of the jello shots that gab brought and bring the speaker downstairs. i start doing aux terrorism and playing easyfun and soundcloud remixes. the party winds down and i sleep on bunny's couch.

i am mentioned in kathypill.

i meet kayla at a women's clothing store called reformation and we walk to cafe himalaya for dinner before strolling around alphabet city. we end up at a hookah bar for a tea and then go to famous microneighborhood dimes square and get non-alcohol beverages at bacaro. bunny, tanya, and jacob meet us there. we get kicked out because the restaurant is closing and i walk home.

on my way back from lunch i see globally famous charli xcx collaborator the dare on essex street. later, i go to littlefield for mera caulfield's comedy show "everyone is tortured, but not me. i'm normal." i'm by myself and don't know anyone there, but i see two people i recognize from the internet: ivy wolk and ian. jill o'connell hosts the show, which is opened by marley gotterer, victoria pandeirada, and mera acting out a character named hope that seems to be something like her take on a cookie monster sweatpants and rockstar energy drink girl that grew up and became a waitress. marley does some impressions of a cockroach with a pronoun pin, golem from lord of the rings ordering at mcdonald's, and mickey mouse gendering someone correctly for the first time ("oh... boy?"). she plays her very own bon iver woods remix and performs an azealia banks remix about fucking a mormon. her performance is a highlight of the show. victoria does a powerpoint comedy routine which i saw at frog farm, where she tells an absurd-but-true story in which she gives sebastian bear-mcclard a one-handed vasectomy. "hope" (mera in a particularly servacious outfit) does a routine that is adapted from her recent performance at frog farm. the bit is that it's hope's first-ever comedy routine and it's funny because it's funny but also kind of funny because it's intentionally bad in a certain type of way and includes a lot of deviantart images. after a brief intermission, mera starts her main set. the highlight is a series of thought experiments where she imagines her saw trap, which is basically the most torturous situation she can possibly imagine and includes not being able to watch her boyfriend make out with jacob elordi. my biggest laugh of the night comes when she walks through a trolley problem in which she has to choose between killing lana del rey when she has an amazing album in her head that has not been written or recorded or a pregnant woman. in a departure from comedy, mera reads through a children's book she wrote about a gay pirate. while the story and initial imagery are great and certainly feasible for publication, it's unclear why the reading of a serious and educational children's book is included in the show. at the end, we are all meant to watch a skit video that mera and jill made, but technical difficulties cause an unexpected intermission that lasts over 20 minutes. mera and the crowd do an impromptu acapella rendition of lana del rey's summertime sadness, which is just as absurd as the rest of the performance but markedly wholesome. there are some other shenanigans before the video plays and the show ends. i go home and make the website for peter vack's upcoming film www.rachelormont.com.

i stop at 55 fulton market for a watermelon, tortilla chips, red solo cups, and sparkling water on the way to the canadachella x quasimatt birthday dinner hosted by kayla in celebration of both canada day and my birthday. i meet kayla in the lobby of her building and we go to her unit where a spread of delectable morsels is waiting for light preparation and consumption. i play some music and eat several servings of kayla's scrumptious homemade salsa. gab arrives with moka. she gives me a gift which includes a bottle of supergay vodka customized with text that repeats "quasimatt.com" over and over and a gold bangle, which i have wanted for years but have never bought due to my constant need to larp as poor. gabe arrives and we go to the rooftop to grill ribs and some vegetables. bunny, tanya, and wesam meet us on the roof and we start eating and taking pictures of the sunset, each other, and one manhattan square. mihir and abi come. abi gives me a bottle of wine. we finish our meal before kayla and i go inside to cut the almond desert she made and serve it up to everyone. rana arrives, completing the canadian trifecta with wesam and kayla. she has a headband with canadian flags on it. we discuss a number of topics. mihir, rana, and wesam become incredibly fixated on drake and canada and debate the legitimacy of drake's pedophilia accusations at length. everyone leaves except for gab and kayla, and we stop by kayla's apartment where she gives me some salsa and much-needed household goods related to hydration because i once told her that i accidentally dehydrated myself half to death. gab and i get on the j train and go home.

i meet bunny at his apartment and we grab coffee at the cotton bean before going to gersi for a meal. we go back to his apartment and plan the upcoming bunnychella. tanya wakes from her slumber and joins us as we use bunny's dj machine (cdj or something like that) to make music sound way worse than it would if we just played it off of soundcloud. i take the train home while listening to all my favorite a.g. cook songs and then i see a.g. cook on canal street.

i head to the pirate.com studios in bushwick to meet up with david and dull. dull plays a couple beats and does some brief commentary on them ("this is fire"). he turns to me and says "are you ready to see some real kings cook right now? some michelin star chefs?" and proceeds to frantically vape and scroll twitter while david works on a pop song. dull disputes a bunch of credit card charges to get some money and we leave to go to ryan and matt's rooftop party, stopping for some hennessy and pineapple juice on the way. dull and i vibe at the party and blake shows up. he does a dj set and then kyle, henry, and rebecca arrive. jackson comes a bit later. dull, blake, and i leave to go to the reading of a script that kathy is in at the new school. we take the train to the theater and kathy briefly introduces us to caveh, who wrote the script, before the reading begins. i give kathy a swig of hennessy before she performs. blake, dull, kathy, and i make a fun little joke about doing whippets in the auditorium. i imitate the sound of a whippet really loudly and everyone thinks i'm shushing them and goes silent. caveh seizes the moment to begin the reading. the performance is difficult to understand, in part because i'm drunk, in part because it is read rather than acted, and in part because the script itself is simply difficult to understand. kathy delivers her lines in the dry and disengaged tone we've come to know and love. when the reading is over, i officially meet peter vack for the first time and he is normal and nice. blake exits and dull, kathy, and i go to taco bell to debrief and eat some delicious and heavily americanized mexican cuisine. we lyft to julia's birthday party at gonzo's. kathy uses her clout and fame to get peter, who is hosting, to use his clout and fame to get us in. at first it's lowkey awkward because hardly anyone is there. we talk to annabelle before charley shows up and starts screaming slurs and smoking cigarettes. throughout the night, i'm shocked by the number of people charley knows. he greets almost half the party and i realize his popularity transcends my understanding. his social circles are in whole different areas. i talk to annie, meet forest, and talk to salty aka michael when he arrives. i do a final lap around the party and say hi to gen and darias before walking home.

i meet bunny and mihir at karazishi botan for dinner and we go to bunny's. he recently bought a massive speaker so i play charli xcx and bladee nitecore off of it while an anime fight scene montage plays on the tv. kayla arrives and i switch to nitecore drake songs since she is canadian and from (outside of) toronto. we all uber to crystal lake in williamsburg for addi's birthday. tanya meets us there. we mostly just talk to each other but i also talk to defi dave for a bit. mihir's friend steve pulls up and we walk to the barcade to play the drunk driving simulator and pinball. kayla and i take the j home.

i meet gab and kayla at le dive for a classic gab x kayla x quasimatt hang sesh. we eat three different types of salad and ham on top of melon and then go to shan fu for beverages. we head to the street seating at 9 orchard that no one ever uses and use it. we discuss various topics and they get in an uber. i walk home.

i walk to pig and khao to meet up with anjali and her friend jess, who i have never met before. shannel and isabella come and it's revealed that jess is their friend from when they all worked together so they all already know her. we finish our meal and go to van leeuwen where i get a root beer float for $11 and then walk home.

i walk to dhamaka for michael's birthday dinner and find michael and kyle standing outside. rebecca shows up shortly after. henry joins, and jackson is the latest. we enjoy a servacious meal consisting of lamb, chicken, and some other stuff, all prepared in a rather indian fashion. jackson suggests we go to parkside lounge because it's "kind of gay but not really." we go there for a couple drinks and are joined by michael's sister sarah who is lesbian. jackson and i leave at around 11:30 and i walk home.

i wake up late and go to mccarren park for the jackson x michael x quasimatt birthday celebration. i'm a little late and henry, kyle, michael, and jackson are there. i also meet mike. no one comes for a while and then bienstock and charley come. charley reveals that he has saved multiple lives before. a lot of gay people that michael and jackson know come, and beckett comes. i go to get some food with beckett, charley, and bienstock. on the way, we run into kathy and dull. kathy gives me a beautiful piece of art she painted that looks like my website, quasimatt.com. she also gives me some candy. the squad goes to bulbap grill and everyone acts like 14-year-olds in the restaurant while i wait for my burrito. as we're leaving, we meet up with weyland and keegan. kathy and i go back to the park and run into wesam on the way. he joins us. kathy points out that she is the only woman at the entire gathering and i realize that 90% of my friends are guys. back at the park, salty and tanner join. josh comes with swedish fish and a bottle of wine that he got for me with gabe. gabe comes. marcel comes. max comes. kit comes and gives me a bunch of hentai stickers. cass comes and gives me a boxed sake. galaxia comes following her recent re-immigration to new york. david comes and asks me for an air conditioner. regy and mihir come and give me a gorgeous black u.s. polo assn. shirt. cassidy and adrian come with a bunch of rich people food such as macarons that they bought with ebt and pass it out. isabella, anjali, and meghna come. anjali gives me an ed hardy-esque card with a large temporary tattoo and a visa gift card. isabella gives me a hat that says "not guilty", and a ramen bowl with chopsticks and some ramen. elizabeth comes and tells me she will venmo me any amount up to $25 since the last time i tried to scam her she ended up not sending a venmo because it was a scam. i ask her for 29 cents. she sends me $29 on venmo with the caption "nonbinary roommate housing crisis" and then starts socializing with a wide array of people. gab comes with her iconic dog moka and some bougie italian sandwiches. she also brings a ladder toss game and cam and munib arrive together so we play a game. wesam keeps playing and wins a game. rebecca comes. nick comes. i say hi to sarah. mark comes. blake and david come. david gives me a rich people candle. i talk to chaeli briefly. ariel comes and kayla comes after a navigation debacle that landed her in deep brooklyn (gowanus) for a moment. tanner and i demolish blake and david in a game of ladder toss due to tanner's midwestern-coded lawn game acumen. a lot of extreme segregation occurs, with gay people occupying one half of the gathering and problematic and canceled dimes square people occupying the other. other social factions are sprinkled throughout. i make little to no effort to introduce people to each other because i am scared of the civil war that may occur. the party dwindles down. lisa comes and gives me peppermint orbit gum. kayla and i go to get coffee and go to the bodega and kevin shows up outside because he has my location and has been following me. back at the park, he gives me his gift: some leftover pizza inside a ziplock bag that looks utterly disgusting and inedible. i gift it back to him immediately because it looks utterly disgusting and inedible. kayla and i play ladder toss. kevin, gab, kayla, and i, the final soldiers in the mccarren park hangout session, divest from the jackson x michael x quasimatt birthday celebration at mccarren park and go home.

i meet ravi at seward park to go play tennis at pier 42, but when we get there, there are a bunch of people waiting and it's obvious that it'll take forever so we go home. i meet jackson at deluxe green bo. we're waiting for michael so i get sesame ube ice cream at chinatown ice cream factory. we go to columbus park and discuss jackson's tiktok career. we go back to deluxe green bo and michael meets us there. we eat a bunch of food and then get a lyft to astoria where karmen is having a housewarming party. henry is already there. we hang at karmen's with babz and some other people talking and drinking. kyle comes later and after jackson makes me a bracelet that says a really bad word on it, we all leave. i get in henry's uber home and then walk to weyland's where weyland, dull, charley, keegan, alex bienstock, and kitty aka raw sex rationalist are hanging out. we discuss various things and do a plethora of bits until around 5:30am when weyland announces that he's going to sleep and i take the train home.

i meet kayla in the lower east side and we walk to the wilson store because I need to buy tennis shoes and tennis balls. we go to thisbowl and get beef brisket bowls to eat in washington square park. we go for a short strizzy and i return home. i plan to go to darias's birthday party at the folly so i go to weyland's because it's nearby. weyland and dull are there. weyland's apartment is littered with government documents because he didn't pay his taxes or something. we envision the types of people we expect to see at dariaschella: opps, twinks, and trans women. we consider canonizing the event in the lore as oppchella, twinkchella, or even transchella. when we go to dariaschella we discover that darias is so famous that the venue is extremely packed. we never get to make the necessary judgments to choose the appropriate prefix for the chella and leave almost immediately because we don't want to push to the back of the venue where we suspect darias can be found. the only person i see that i know is riska, who admits to me that her recent violent assault of darias is the reason for his instagram story selfies featuring a bloody face and neck brace that he sent from a hospital bed the day before. she demonstrates no remorse. we go back to weyland's. keegan comes over and we do some bits. i leave just after 1am because i am supposed to play tennis the next morning.

i take the train to gab's where gab, kayla, and cami are hanging out in the back yard with their dogs. i drink a bunch of spindrift and eat a chopped cheese from the deli and then play a bunch of youtube videos on the tv including the infamous ecco2k classical music with rap ad libs dj set, unearth me by oklou, and various lil debbie music videos. kayla gets an uber to fidi so i grift a ride off of her, penny board to the m15 bus stop, catch the bus at the exact moment it arrives, and go home.

i meet kayla at court16 in fidi to buy a tennis racket and we walk to battery park city to play tennis against the wall in rockefeller park. we walk through tribeca and buy gatorade to sip in a public plaza of sorts before parting ways.

i grab a gift for my college friend isabella's birthday party at spirited away and hop on the train to go to her apartment in brooklyn. i have a couple drinks and chat with isabella, nick, anjali, cheyenne, and shannel and meet lorenzo and lauren for the first time. i leave and meet gabe in the lower east side to go hang out with his art-adjacent gay friends in their apartment and they play a bunch of lady gaga music videos. we bounce to john and sowa's pink-themed party to mourn the loss of their extravagant fort greene apartment. we cry because it's over. we smile because it happened. kit, wesam, bunny, and tanya are waiting to get buzzed into the apartment when we arrive, and brian and regy come soon after. we all go up to the apartment and i greet sowa and john. we mill around discussing various topics, drinking an array of beverages, and dancing. i meet evonique, who was also at keiranchella the night before. jacob and tarun arrive. i do [redacted] and start to think that everyone thinks i'm stupid and then i feel like i just actually am stupid so i zone out for a while and sit on the couch writing an extremely long essay in my notes app about how everyone thinks i'm retarded which i delete the next morning. i say bye to everyone and go home.

i meet kayla on the j train at the delancey essex stop because we're going to dayglow and then keiranchella. she films influencer content at dayglow and we go to a nearby thai restaurant before heading to keiran's gorgeous loft for a party he is hosting with dana, who i don't know and never meet. when kayla and i arrive at keiranchella we run into mihir, regy, and brian outside. i greet keiran and soon after run into ex-viner and gay person jarod. his associates matt and adi, among others from the gay brooklynite social complex that i (perhaps erroneously) associate with the bedstuy gay bar singers, are also there. matt and jarod explain to me that dana is an ex-influencer and the reason they're there is because they know her from twitter. this is somewhat shocking to me because i convinced myself that dana was keiran's sister. she is not. the whole thing is a bit crazy and wild because it feels like two disparate worlds colliding. why are the gay people that post lewds and charli xcx memes on my timeline standing next to all the crypto grifters i hang out with? it's fun and interesting but also strange. the music is good and the room gets really hot so people oscillate between the apartment and the massive rooftop, which has a view of east williamsburg staple cubesmart as well as the manhattan skyline. i talk to lisa and her friends about minions and say hi to josh. i talk to maya, who i recently met through bunny. gabe arrives. i talk to some other people and then leave the party and walk around listening to music before taking a lyft home.

bunny texts me to go to dinner with him and tanya, his russian baddie girlfriend who's visiting from berlin, near my apartment. we go to kiki's. after dinner, i walk them to the subway but it's not running so we wait in the street for their uber and ridgewood egirls kailey and sydney walk past. they stop to have a chat and tell us they just got off a boat for a monthly honky tonk event where people get on a river boat that cruises around manhattan and 2 step and line dance. they move on and bunny and tanya hop in their uber. i walk home.

i am mentioned in kathypill.

i go to gab's midday to co-work. eddie is there and we all have a simply delectable meal consisting of spicy sausage and a massive slab of fried cheese atop sun dried tomatoes and arugula. after dinner, gab and i walk to a comic/video/comedy show frog farm, where shaumbe is djing but also kind of live performing. about a block away from the venue (purgatory in bushwick), we run into mera, one of the funniest people, who is also performing a standup routine at the show. when we get into frog farm, i briefly talk to emily and grab a seat in the back with gab. frog farm has a lineup of local (and sometimes non-local) artists, but they spice it up by doing skits with complex lore about frogs and laying eggs and frogs having sex with scientists and stuff like that. the show is hosted by comic maker and risograph publisher alex laird, who is joined by comedian sara hennessey and william banks, a guy who runs car world. in his words, car world is "a sci-non-fi community building project created to raise global concern for the genocide of the attendants, the native species of car world--a planet in an alternate universe ruled by human-headed worms sexually obsessed with william banks." their skits sometimes "include" shaumbe, who never speaks but is on stage in a frog outfit the entire time playing remixes he made of various pop songs using frog sounds such as ribbits. when addressed, he triggers a frog sound to be played on his keytar. frog farm is weird, lore-soaked, and overwhelmingly wholesome. when it's over, shaumbe is still frog djing, so he doesn't notice when i briefly try to wave to him on the stage as i exit. gab and i part ways to go home.

adam sends me his address and then says "don't put that on your site." i take the train to bushwick because i'm going to pick up some computer equipment from adam and david, but i forget to bring a bag to put it in and want to see my old roommates michael and kyle so i text them to see if they'll give me a bag. i go to their apartment by maria hernandez park where they're navigating the process of selling their charli xcx tickets. i ask them for the biggest reusable grocery bag they have. they give it to me. it's free. i walk to adam's to pick up a laptop. it's brand new and still in the box. it's free. i walk to david's to pick up a large computer monitor. it's free. i drop it but catch it just in time so it barely touches the ground and only gets a scrape. i go to dunkin for a cold brew. i have points on the dunkin app so it's free. i hop the myrtle broadway turnstile. the train is free. i stop home to drop off all my stuff and get on the bus to the drift x robot ventures happy hour. i don't pay for the bus. while i'm getting off the bus, i'm stopped briefly by privacy maximalist c-node, who's leaving the event. when i arrive at driftchella at the de facto solana ecosystem office on houston, i immediately encounter industry titan and cabal member tarun and cindy. we take the elevator to the roof, where i talk with mihir, regy, bunny, matt, addi, jacob, and gabe. i also see maddie but she's always talking to someone and i always assume she's making a $100,000,000 deal and don't want to interrupt so i don't say hi. i get some drinks. it's an open bar so they're free. pizza gets delivered and i eat it. it's free. i meet a few other people and talk mostly about money and sometimes about technology. after a while, we're banished from the rooftop. bunny, mihir, regy, jacob, gabe, and i take the d train home. i hop the turnstile so it's free.

i walk to shan fu for a coconut mango juice and then meet abi, kayla, cami, and gab at kiki's and sit with them for a while discussing venture capital and smart home robots. we stay past closing and i walk kayla to the m15 bus stop where we scheme out a new life path for me. i walk home.

i hardly leave my apartment until after 7pm. i see peter vack and chloe on canal street on the way to bunny's. bunny and i go to saint julivert and then walk through brooklyn bridge park enjoying a view of the iconic one manhattan square.

i'm "late" to dayday wine + flowers picnic @ tompkins, a pseudo-religious ritual in celebration of affluent socialite day's birthday. when i get there, day, holly, salty, weyland, charley, cass, dull, and keegan are already there. soon after, adrian and cassidy arrive with a spread of bougie food, damilare aka gene parmesan arrives, and salome drops by for a bit. salome is kind of a celebrity to me and i've never seen her in real life but i don't say anything to her. day asks people to read incantations that have something to do with dionysus. i read something about dionysus's mother into his phone, which is recording. there's also a statue of dionysus with a candle and some other ritual-esque stuff going on. at some point we decide that we all simply must go to weyland's apartment so we go to weyland's but day is nowhere to be found. the next day, he tweets "it's ok to be in your 40s and irish your own birthday to puke." i take it too far with the wine and nap in weyland's bed before popping back out. dull, cass, and i hop on the l train and i go to vivian's birthday party in williamsburg. i expect to see a bunch of people i know there but vivian and kwesi are the only people there that i already know, so i spend most of my time talking to new people. i take a lyft home.

i meet bunny at seward park and we go to manousheh on our way to the wu-tang x pleasr event/party/sonic torture chamber, which is at a beautiful and gorgeous temple-like venue in the lower east side called the angel orensanz foundation. when we're about to enter, we see regy in the street. bunny gets us in by showing the bouncer that he's in a pleasrdao group chat. the event is the kickoff for a series of listening parties where pleasr is allowing people to listen to a private wu-tang album they own because martin shkreli bought it and then had it seized when he got in some legal trouble and then pleasr bought it from the government or something like that. i don't know all the lore. some members of wu-tang are there and there's an open bar but they're only serving a crazy 95% sugar hypnotiq cocktail. music is being played at an almost lethal volume. bunny starts briefly introducing me to some people who are in pleasrdao. i run into a couple people i know: lisa, saarim, brian. lisa talks to me about bladee's most recent album, cold visions. finally a real drainer... mihir and jacob show up right before i leave. i leave by myself, and as i walk to the train to go to gab's, i remember that this is supposed to be cloutmaxxing summer and i should have stayed in the torture chamber to meet more rich and clouted people instead of doing what i want to do which is have a fun and relaxing night in gab's back yard in bushwick. it's too late, so i head to gab's where gab, kayla, nat, and abi are chilling. we play a ladder ball toss game that i recently ordered to gab's apartment and eat. mayra shows up with her friend crystal. we all stay on some "just chilling:)" type shit until like 2am, when i go home.

today is the much-anticipated release party for peter vack's new book, sillyboy. after work I meet blake near shan fu so i can grab a delicious watermelon juice. he arrives in a blazer, a big bow, and jorts, and we walk to blade study for an opening. on the way there, we see chloe in the street. when blake and i leave to go to contours, another art event on allen street, we briefly talk to sculptor and genius genevieve in the street while she's on her way to blade study. the other art event is more tech-adjacent and less downtown art hoe-adjacent. i see adam there but don't say hi to him because we have an ongoing bit where we go to all the same events but have never spoken. i'm supposed to meet friends at veselka for dinner, so blake walks me there. after some time, kathy and weyland arrive. damilare sonoiki, a podcaster, friend of hasan piker, friend of drake, former simpson's writer, plaintiff in a trial against harvard university, and overall interesting guy with an extended universe of extremely fascinating lore, arrives. we've been in the same room a few times before but this is the first time i actually meet him. david, dull, and cass arrive extremely late together. i harass them lightly and we sit outside for a scrumptious ukrainian meal. david orders the save ukraine bowl. when we're done eating, we walk to vackchella, which is nearby at a recording studio that becomes an events space at night called gonzo's. we use kathy's clout and fame to skip the line. i walk in and instantly see alex bienstock, a guy that is around and knows things about art but is otherwise mysterious to me. i see charley, adrian, cassidy, elizabeth, ariel, and day early on in the night. we all try to hang out in what we call the bladee room, which is a room i played bladee in all night when i hosted an arts event at gonzo's with david. after about 20 minutes, we get kicked out of the bladee room because the trashy tv network bravo is filming at the party and needs to use the bladee room as their home base. we're forced to mingle and i briefly talk to egirls annie and riska. justin lapuff and (obviously) peter vack are there but i don't talk to them because i have never talked to them and they are a little bit scary to me. i see adam, the same guy that i saw at the previous art event, and decide to stop doing our bit and say hi to him. joshqharris, a guy that i've been moochies with on twitter with for a while approaches me and asks the ever-scary and ever-iconic question, "are you quasimatt?" i feel really famous. i tell him that i always thought he was black because i always thought he was black, but he's actually not black. he's white. blake and genevieve arrive with some other people from their sect of society. everyone runs around and has a bit of fun and drinks alcohol. at around midnight i get anxious about the fact that i have to work the next day and leave, seeing mark, keegan, and max on the way out. when i get home, i realize i don't want to go to bed. i text bunny "wyd these days?" because i see that he's at his apartment with abi on find my friends. he sends me a video of a spicy chick-fil-a sandwich at his apartment, and i immediately mobilize, hopping on the f train to go eat it. i eat the sandwich and hang out with bunny and abi for a bit and then go home.

i plan to stay at home chilling and vibing but bunny pulls up in an uber and forces me to go to wei's in williamsburg for a late dinner. we go to kidsuper because they're having an event with uniswap but it's much more of an actual party than we previously realized and we don't really want to be at a party so we try to get our friends gab and kayla to come out and meet us. while we wait we talk to a guy that i later find out is optimism binji. gab and kayla don't come out expeditiously so we walk to fresh kills to meet sowa and john. right when my spine is about to shatter from contorting my body in perhaps the most uncomfortable seating arrangement known to humankind, gab and kayla arrive. john and sowa dip and we go for a brief walk through williamsburg before going our separate ways.

after work i meet john and sowa in fort greene park. we try really hard not to talk about real estate but we talk about real estate. it gets cold so we walk to their beautiful and not to mention extremely gorgeous abode. after a while, bunny comes and we start putting on portions of multiple godzilla movies and then talking over them. bunny and i walk to chick-fil-a and then walk to bunny's and talk over esoteric youtube mini-documentaries made by egirls before i go home.

i meet david and kristen at the myrtle broadway popeye's at 12:30 and we walk to the clinton hill jimmy john's where i order a jjblt combo. it costs $18. it seems like no one wants to sell a delicious sandwich at a reasonable price these days. unemployed non-binary bushwick resident cam and employed binary bushwick resident munib meet us at jimmy john's and we sit at a table on myrtle street before going to petee's pie company across the street. kristen goes home with her pie and david, cam, munib, and i go to fort greene park where kailey is lounging about in the sun and reading a book. david leaves and we meet up with jonah, brennan, and a slew of their friends that i don't know. i'm rather tired so i consider going home but instead i walk to the botanical garden and get a cold brew on the way. i meet crypto founder regy, crypto growth superstar tina, and crypto grifter mihir in the botanical gardens after getting a community ticket for free (life hack). they're with crypto founder cindy and eva, both of whom i meet for the first time. we walk to clinton hill establishment the fly where bunny meets us. after we eat, i leave to stop home before going to sovereign house, a place for art-adjacent and/or crypto-adjacent and extremely online people to be performatively edgy that is often accused of being funded by rich gay guy peter thiel and being a fascist hotbed. tonight, scene celebrity and $egirl ceo cassidy is hosting her event, confessions. i'm attending because the architect of contemporary dimes square social and literary kayfabe and the inventor of culture at large, charley, is reading. i walk in and try to beeline to the back yard. on my way, i see charley and tell him i'm there just for him. he warns me that his reading is going to be "so bad." in the backyard, kathy is playing with an anime figurine, dull is being dull, cass is talking to her brother, and weyland and the ever-popular saltypickles are milling about talking to basically every single person. after at least one million cigarettes have been smoked in the back yard, the hosts come outside and inform everyone that the reading is about to start. i go inside and sit next to kathy, who introduces me to her friend mary. justin lapuff, a guy who existed first as an idea and social media concept and was then embodied/co-opted by a a real actual person, reads. during the intermission, i briefly talk to cassidy's boyfriend adrian and keegan about not going to texas for a crypto event called consensus and going to texas for a crypto event called consensus respectively. i also talk to jeff, who is a somewhat mysterious member of the kennyverse, coldhealing, and extremely tall photographer nick dove. i meet marcel irl for the first time. he identifies himself as an undercollateralized stablecoin critic and brings up rwa custodians. i do a little bit of networking and careerism. the intermission is extended by the fact that everyone is waiting for peter vack to arrive so that he can see charley's reading. and by everyone i mean just charley and maybe cassidy. after intermission, charley reads. there are basically three things that i think would be predictable but really interesting for charley to do: address [redacted], say [redacted], and namedrop me. in his reading, charley addresses [redacted], says [redacted], and namedrops me. it's good. a girl reads a piece about wanting to fuck mark zuckerberg. riding the high from the microscopic crumb of clout charley has afforded me, i rush to the exit where i see internet culture understander max. he comments on my bladee shirt. i walk home.

i go to gab's to barbecue and enjoy a gorgeous and amazing day in bushwick. kayla and nat are already there. we go to food bazaar and gab buys $350 of groceries. we cook and enjoy a delicious meal. after we eat, isabelle and her boyfriend come. bunny comes. we eat several pounds of meat and are all about to fall asleep, so kayla and i take the train to manhattan, where i drop by weyland's affluent doorman loft co-op in greenwich village. dull is also there, and we discuss the state of microsubculture and our friends' lore. i go home.

i'm walking home from grabbing lunch at north dumpling and see charlotte fang-affiliated egirl chloe aka waifmaterial on hester street. i have an ever-so-important virtual meeting in two minutes so i just wave. we say hi and i keep it pushing. at 7 i get to bar laika in clinton hill. bunny pulls up. digital artist and egirl kit pulls up. mihir and tayeb meet us on the street corner but tayeb goes home to new jersey. we uber to dayglow in bushwick to meet gab, kayla, and nat. we all go to pink metal and then tradesman. people peel off. some other things occur and transpire and we end up near myrtle broadway. the train isn't running in a timely manner so i question my entire life in the lyft home.

at noon i'm feeling restless and need to relocate so i check find my friends. i see that kayla is at bunny's so i go co-work at bunny's palatial mansion in carroll gardens with kayla, goated designer ann, and bunny. i sit with my laptop under a gorgeous and massive window surrounded by extremely large potted plants, reading and writing various things, including sending and receiving messages via slack, telegram, twitter, and signal. we go to famous mexican-run carroll gardens establishment cubana cafe for a meal, and when the workday is over i head back home. filipino dj kristen texts me that she's near my apartment. i'm about to hang up a curtain rod in my apartment so i ask her to help me. we hang up the rod. we walk past all 400,000 people drinking on canal street to go to 169 bar where we have a drink outside and discuss her dj career and my event hosting career which is me having had one single drain gang themed event in the smallest bar in brooklyn, jade. we go to wedding banquet liquor store because kristen wants a "big bottle of soju" but they don't have the one she wants. i go home and she goes to kiki's to listen to doss in her headphones.

at 5:30 my grifter friend mihir comes to see an apartment in my building because i am trying to get someone to live in the unit and advertised it to people since i want my friends to be my neighbors. i meet him in the unit and it's slightly smaller than mine but the way it's renovated is at least one thousand or perhaps even one million times better than the way mine was renovated. the broker tells me the landlord found new contractors that are the same price as the ones that did my apartment but do a way better job. i feel proud of the contractors that did my apartment for getting away with an iconic grift but am annoyed that i got a shittily renovated apartment as a result. mihir seems interested in the apartment and indicates to me during conversation that he's interested in engaging in monk-like behaviors and therefore is willing to live in an apartment much smaller than his current one. he asks me for some input on a grift he's doing. i advise. mihir leaves for a dinner in brooklyn with our friends sowa, john, regy, and gabe. i don't go because i've already committed to going to kiki's with a significant contingent of beach club, a women-only crypto industry social club. i meet with kayla, world-trotting modular ecosystem maven nat, and cami, a recent chicago-to-new-york immigrant who i've never met before but already knows everyone else due to her beach club affiliation. i get a watermelon juice, we go to seward park where abi meets us, and then go to reception for a scrumptious cocktail. gab meets all of us at kiki's and we chow. they get on the train and i walk home and immediately tweet "i've been really enjoying hanging out with women recently!"

ok is it just me or is this long weekend lowkey giving long weekend? on friday i'm working from sapphic crypto industry insider gab's back yard in gorgeous bushwick. she loves making a delicious meal and other wholesome activities so we go to the grocery store and select some scrumptious morsels for her to plop on the grill. kayla and gab collab on a simply divine watermelon salad and we eat chicken with eddie on their back deck. today is unintentionally an influencer hang day for me, so i divest from canadian tech lifestyle influencer nyc content creator crypto influencer kayla trivieri and hop on the j with the intention of going to celebrate the birthday of digital marketing guru livestreaming public speaker digital darlenne at papillon but i'm way too late and by the time the birthday squad relocates to joyface i'm texting darlennechella attendees alex, jasper, and christian who warn me that many are not getting into the venue so i don't pull up. non-binary latina crypto cabal member bunny messages me at 1:28am, saying "gmeowww" quickly followed by "i was thinking bosser noviana cervixlicious clubana", a particularly verbose way of telling me he's going to listen to techno music in bushwick. i want to go to bed so i go to bed. friday is about techfluencers, and saturday is about artists, comedians, and drinking alcohol. i wake up late and arrive at cartoonist and visual artist shaumbe's birthday/memorial day cookout in prospect lefferts gardens after the event has officially ended at 2pm. shaumbe immediately hands me a lei and i say hi to his wife emily who comments that she is seeing my knees for perhaps the first time because i'm usually caught in extremely large pants or shorts that extend below the knee. i drink a really crazy and irresponsible combination of alcoholic beverages in their backyard, including desecrating a berry lemonade jones soda by pouring white rum into it. alex and christian pull up. we play cornhole. jasper pulls up. everyone there tells me that they're either an artist, a comedian, or a member of shaumbe and emily's williamsburg church and everyone talks about how we all know each other from twitter. local comedy celebrity cameron bradford is there. some people i've seen at shaumbe-related social events before are there. shaumbe and i create online content that bullies clay parks for not coming to the party despite rsvp-ing "going" to the partiful event. i eat an unreasonable amount of pulled pork, sometimes mixing it with french onion dip. i text techfluencer kayla to come and we leave, walking to venture capital and marketing expert abi's apartment in windsor terrace, where we drink wine and i go hyperverbal in an attempt to dissect the grifts of people in our immediate social circle. bunny arrives at some unreasonable hour and the two of us walk to 7 eleven for snacks and bevvies. when i take a lyft home at around 6am, my key doesn't work in the door to my unit. it breaks. i don't have access to my bed so i take the train to bunny's and sleep in his bed, which he never uses because he is quirked up and always sleeps on the couch. on sunday i unintentionally lean into being nonverbal autistic. i'm supposed to host a barbecue event at prospect park along with david, a music producer and member of based retard gang who adds me as a cohost to all his events because we think it's funny. what was originally meant to be a memorial day grill sesh has been combined with neoliberal hell podcast co-host and downtown scene-adjacent socialite matthew donovan's birthday when david discovered they were happening at the same time in roughly the same place. i'm extremely tired and my vibe is off because i slept at bunny's but we both get going in time to be only an hour late to the event. maybe two hours. people are texting me that they showed up and i wasn't there. when bunny and i walk out of his apartment we immediately encounter famous crypto twitter celebrity birb and then stephy, who is visiting new york from vancouver and once gave me galaxy-brained crypto career advice on the phone, arrives to go to the park with us. stephy keeps pointing out that things in new york are the way they are, but like in an insightful way. her fascination and curiosity make me realize that the things my friends and i do and have normalized are actually kind of weird and not normal. when bunny, stephy, and i finally find the memorial day grill sesh x matthew donovan birthday party i immediately talk to co-host david, group chat ringleader and provocative musician dull, elite substacker kathy, intellectual and technologist weyland, and milady grifter and $egirl boydev keegan. i later encounter elizabeth, who has been convinced by a text blast that i sent to the attendees that i am homeless and in need of money. the reason she thinks this is because the text blast said i was homeless and in need of money. when she reaches into her purse, seemingly about to literally actually give me money, i explain that i was lying and larping as a stereotypical polyamorous bushwick resident who makes a gofundme to escape a "toxic" living situation for fun. faang tech genius david arrives, as well as the music-head duo blake and david. there are a lot of davids. i run into history phd student and occasional gay twitter main character jose. i feel extremely nonverbal autistic and weird because i have not showered and am itching to get home and call a locksmith to get into my apartment where my nonverbal autism will go unseen. i see a few people that i should probably say hi to but i don't because i am feeling nonverbal autistic: other $egirl boydev mark, dimes square reporter mike crumplar, and clouted tiktok-twitter crossposter coldhealing, to name a few. my nonverbal autism compels me to leave. i leave, nonverbally and autistically take the train to my apartment, and divest from society and culture for the rest of the day in favor of being nonverbal autistic.

quasimatt.com is created and maintained by quasimatt, with assistance from regy as the chief data officer, mihir as the director of open source operations, bunny as the vp of business development and onchain experimentation, wesam as the software development intern, kit as the head of developer relations, and michael as the vp of clout strategy.